Is a large family still relevant in this day and age!?
One, two, three, four…Four?!?
Do you have four children? And are they all yours or from a second relationship?
I love our little frog country and the candid opinions we Dutch people have, but I'm often addressed about our family situation. And the comments really go all over the place from "Horrible, I can't imagine it" to "What a wealth!". Just last week, too. We were sitting on a terrace in our neighborhood: "Hans and Frietje". The bitterballen were served with the cheerful surprised face of the waiter. He himself came from a family of nine boys and one girl, so he thought a large family was "quite beautiful". Proudly I told him that my father comes from a family of seven children and my grandmother from a family of even seventeen (!) children. My great-grandmother was pregnant at the same time as her daughter. Nowadays, you rarely hear such large numbers, but why is there so much amazement at four children? I do encounter them, families of four, but often there is a "bonus daughter" or a "bonus son". When I first heard this term, I had no idea what it meant. I initially thought these couples couldn't have children and were then surprised with a "bonus baby". Last week I also had to explain to my father that it has to do with a blended family and that this term sounds much nicer than a "step" son or daughter. That does make you think a bit of those annoying stepsisters from Cinderella.
But why it so often causes quite a stir with us, has really made me think. Now, I have four sons within three and a half years, so that looks quite different than if there were more age differences between the children and the other half, for example, were ahead of you. Moreover, I want to emphasize that I am very much aware that I am fortunate and blessed with four healthy children. For many people, it is not at all a matter of 'choice'. If I leave this sensitive aspect aside for a moment, I think that the shock effect with four young children often lies in the fact that raising your children can consume a considerable amount of your time and energy. We women are increasingly attached to time and/or a career for ourselves. Compared to the past, women simply have more rights than just the kitchen, and therefore more to worry about than just the family and household chores. It is also no longer the case that our children have to take care of their parents in their old age.
Times have indeed changed, thankfully
But it's not just that we ourselves want more and more, we also think the same for our children. Apart from the fact that wanting more also costs more money, this consumption obviously has consequences for the environment. When I look at the number of diapers we go through in a week, I'm glad not everyone has four children... Now, many people will not let their desire for children be influenced by climate issues, but simply by their personal or religious wishes. I never gave it a moment's thought. A large family was always our greatest wish and fortunately, everything went smoothly. When I now hear these ethical discussions linking reproduction to climate issues, I quickly justify it to myself and hope that they will follow in the footsteps of their father who has made a career in sustainable energy. It's actually quite amusing that such simple questions and responses from people have made me think and led me to consider climate issues. And that's while there are often still the most ridiculous questions to follow like "Are you going for a girl next?" ("Well, we were trying last night and this is how we did it, come here husband, let me show these people") or "Is it twins?" ("No, our two babies just happen to be the same age and also coincidentally look exactly alike..."). Maybe next time I should start talking about climate issues. Let's see how many people stick around then. In any case, when someone now exclaims "I can't even think about it", I can think: "thankfully, because that's also a bit better for the whole world" and in case someone says "what wealth", then I beam from ear to ear. Our large family: a balance of love and chaos.
CHARLOTTE
