Constantly wetting your pants after giving birth?! Yes, I suffered from that, like many other moms

I have been doubting for a long time whether I should share this with you

It feels very private. At the same time, I also want to break this taboo. Besides the grey cloud, incontinence among women is also a major taboo. Because, let's face it, nobody wants to admit that with every laugh, sneeze, or cough, we end up like “Annelies van der Pies” (a pun by Brigitte Kaandorp, editor's note).

It's quite something. As a mother, you've given birth to one or more children, your body has survived one or more pregnancies and on top of that, the childbirth(s). This is not good for your pelvic floor muscles. They stretch out due to this severe natural force and they get tears in the muscle tissue. Especially prolonged pushing or forceps delivery can exacerbate all of this. As a result, your pelvic floor muscles weaken and you can't hold your urine as well. And that's not pleasant. In fact, it's quite embarrassing. For a long time, I kept this problem to myself because I was mortified.

Always clean underwear in my bag

It wasn't just with laughing or sneezing that I wet my pants. No, it was with everything. I could never spontaneously run along with my little ones in the playground or jump and dance or just be silly. Then mom had to go upstairs to change. I could completely forget about using a trampoline or bouncy castle. Running for the train? Forget it! This way, many fun moments with my children were taken from me. Besides, I like to exercise a lot, and this was extremely complicated. Because I invariably wet my pants, but I didn't want to give up my outlet. So I stoically continued with my fitness classes, always took extra underwear in my bag, and just hoped that no one would notice.

It happens much more often than you think

The NHG standard states: “Urinary incontinence occurs in a quarter to half of adult women, possibly accompanied by significant negative consequences for quality of life. During the course of a pregnancy, a third of women become incontinent. Six months after childbirth, more than half of these women have recovered spontaneously.“ For twenty percent, this is not the case and they experience stress incontinence for the rest of their lives, just like me.

I have tried to solve this problem in silence. You name it, I’ve done it. Kegel exercises, intensive pelvic floor physiotherapy, bio-feedback. I have done it all! Not my favorite hobby, I can tell you that. Meanwhile, it didn't help at all. I still wet my pants whenever and wherever. I didn't even dare to tell my husband. I thought: this is so not sexy. If I tell him, he will never find me attractive again.

Down with this stigma!

When I started to recover from my postpartum depression, I found the space to talk about it. Little by little, and only with my husband and two close friends. And of course, my wonderful pelvic floor physiotherapist. She told me that twenty percent of women suffer from this after childbirth. In addition, there are the mothers with a complete tear, those numbers are even higher. And those are just the women who have actually reported it. Most women don't talk about this, out of embarrassment. Very understandable, but this way the taboo will never be lifted. So I decided to write openly about it, in the hope that the issue becomes more discussable.

The TVT surgery saved me

I recently had surgery and received a sling. In addition, my bladder was also lifted, as it was hanging a bit sadly after two pregnancies, I can tell you. Fortunately, everything went well and the procedure was a success! In hindsight, the surgery was much easier than I expected. I had been warned about severe pain in my groins. This turned out to be much less than I feared and was manageable with pain medication. I was back home after two days and walking outside for a short round after a week. With this article, I hope to remove the stigma from the topic of stress incontinence. Moreover, I especially hope that if other women and mothers read this, they know they are not alone. And more importantly: that something can be done about it! You don't have to keep living like this for the rest of your life. Really not!

You don't have a life sentence

My doctor told me that sometimes he sees women of 65 years old. These women have spent half their lives dealing with stress incontinence and feeling terribly ashamed. I find that so incredibly sad. Imagine carrying that around for such a long period and having to bear all that shame. So don't hesitate to seek help. Remember me and that I've been through this too. I hope it gives you support.

TILDA BIRTH COACH (fancy a peek at her Instagram!? Click here!)