“People ask me what my daughter has on her head and whether it can still be removed”

There is something I need to get off my chest

And what has been bothering me several times recently. We all know by now that everything has to be as "perfect" as possible these days. But the fact that we are all going further and further in this, and that we even need to have "perfect" babies, toddlers, preschoolers, and teenagers, I find alarming. Just imagine someone being deviant or different.

Our daughter Lua was born with a stork bite on her forehead. Something that is quite visible. The reactions to it genuinely surprise me. How often I get asked: “What does she have on her head?”, “Gosh, this will fade away, right?”, “Can't they remove that?” and “It just had to be right on her head, huh!”. The clinic also plays along. The first time I heard: “Wow, they really got her good, but don't worry. It will fade away.” The following times I was told again not to worry and that it would become less visible. During our visit last week to the clinic, I had had enough. They started on it again and I heard the same thing. Because I was quite done with it, I said in a not too friendly tone: “You know, ma'am, I'm not worried at all about whether it will fade or not! I think she is absolutely beautiful as she is!”. She looked at me a bit defeated and quickly changed the subject. You can imagine that the visit was over quickly after that.

On the way home, it kept going through my mind

What kind of world are we living in together? Does everyone have to look “perfect”? Are you not part of the group otherwise? And what is perfection really?! And then we adults all say how terrible we find it that children bully and get bullied... Is it any wonder?! We are giving our children the impression that if someone is “different” or looks “unique”, they don't belong in our “oh so perfect” world. That it's not beautiful. What are we all doing then? We surely don't want to pass this on to the children, do we? I find my daughter beautiful just as she is, with a stork bite. It makes her unique! I genuinely regret that it will fade over time, because it's such a part of her. But if her beautiful mark remains visible and I tell her in 16 years that she is beautiful, will she believe me? Because yes, by then she probably will have been asked often enough, “What do you have on your head” or maybe other children have even laughed at her. Then she will surely not believe her mother who says it's beautiful and that it belongs to her, that it makes her unique. Certainly not at that age. Because who am I then? Just the thought of it brings tears to my eyes. Let's all please be proud of the things that make us who we are. Now, this is just a very small thing with our daughter. And there are hundreds of children with other beautiful UNIQUE features. Those families surely receive comments they never asked for! Maybe we should think a bit more about what we want to pass on to the children before we make a remark.

LESLEY