Birth story: “I thought, I can do this!”

July 2, 2019

In the morning, the midwife came to visit us at home. My husband had already gone to work after asking several times if he should stay. I had done a bit of Googling about membrane sweeping and it seemed to me that he didn't need to be there for that. I tried to get some more sleep. My lower back was in a lot of pain, which kept me awake at night. Around 09:00 AM, our midwife was at the door. She asked how I was feeling and if I was getting fed up with it. I mentioned that I was mainly tired. Then it was time for the membrane sweep. I honestly found it to be a crappy feeling and it really did hurt. She indicated that I was already 3 centimeters dilated and that might explain the back pain. If it progressed, I had to message her. If nothing happened, I was to report on Friday (July 5, 2019) for a check-up and a second membrane sweep.

July 5, 2019

Since our little one hadn't shown up, my husband and I went to the midwifery practice on Friday. We had called ahead and it was arranged that I needed to be on the CTG for a while (our little rascal sometimes didn't make a peep for quite some time). After about an hour on the scan, everything turned out to be perfectly fine. Then it was time for a second membrane sweep. By now, I was already 41+2 weeks pregnant. It hurt a lot again, not exactly a pleasant experience. But it turned out I already had 5 centimeters of dilation; that back pain hadn't been for nothing. We could go home and wait it out. I was having severe bouts of pain in my back again, but I didn't think much of it. I had quite a big belly and just thought the pain was from carrying it. My husband asked if I was okay, to which I sent him off to work and said I would lie down for a bit. Once in bed, the same pain returned. "I'm probably lying wrong," I thought. But about 10 minutes later, I had the same sharp pains and then again 5 minutes later. That's when a bell started to ring. I called my husband to come back. After that, I called the midwife and she would be there in 15 minutes.

The midwife arrived, my husband about 5 minutes later

I was pacing back and forth in the house with bouts of pain. These were timed and we got the green light to go to the hospital. Off we went! Grabbed the emergency bag, put on shoes and a belt. Off we went, the two of us, hoping to return as three. I can still remember the thresholds. It was only then that I noticed how many there were in our neighborhood... During the drive, we called our parents to let them know we were on our way to the hospital. Around 2:30 PM we arrived and they wheeled me inside in a wheelchair. I thought that was a bit exaggerated, but what did I know. We met the doctor and the nurse. I had back labor pains that I could handle for a while, but as the pain intensified, I didn't know what to do anymore. The midwife helped with breathing exercises and my husband tried to apply pressure to my back. This didn't help, so we just continued with the breathing exercises, the three of us. At one point, the midwife suggested four water injections. This is literally water being injected into the painful area. She said it felt like wasp stings, but it might help. I know what a wasp sting feels like, but I thought it could distract me from the pain, so it seemed fine to me. Well, I felt that, the injections were excruciating and it helped for a mere 5 minutes. Then came the suggestion to stand under the shower. This was quite a pleasant feeling, until the moment came that my stomach didn't find it so fun anymore. There went my sandwich... After the shower, I was placed on the hospital bed, but this caused me even more pain than standing. I tried to cope with the back labor pains while standing for a while, but eventually, I couldn't take it anymore. I had severe back pain for a week and had little sleep, and the vomiting seemed to have taken away my last bit of energy. In addition to the back labor pains, I also had leg labor pains and therefore couldn't stand firmly. My spaghetti arms (read: arms without any form of strength) had to keep me standing. I just couldn't take it anymore. I shouted several times: "Why do women do this voluntarily?!" and "Who comes up with this!". I did lie down on the bed, but couldn't find a way to cope with the back labor pains. I was in pain and didn't know what to do. The panic that ensued made it worse. With every storm I felt, I lost myself a little. As if I had lost control of my body, which frightened me even more. Fortunately, our midwife noticed this and helped me, along with my husband, to get back to the breathing rhythm. This did nothing for the pain, but gave me a sense of control again. In the hospital bed, I let the back labor pains wash over me and I babbled something. No idea what, because I was completely in my own little world. I only heard something from the outside world about whether I wanted the epidural. "Uh yes, please!"

I was attached to all sorts of cables and equipment, thus being prepared for the injection

The anesthetist had been called and would arrive quickly. However, it turned out that two emergencies had come up in the meantime. Two hours later, he arrived and everything happened in a whirlwind. I was placed on the edge of the bed, everything was sterilized, and I think someone drew on my back. I had to sit bent forward and maintain a completely still posture. Easier said than done, while you're having contractions. But thanks to the good communication from everyone around me, the injection could be administered between contractions. After the injection, I felt paralysis on the right side of my back and then also my right leg. The left side of my body apparently didn't care about the injection and I could still feel everything there. I was laid in bed on my right side because our son apparently wasn't positioned straight in front of the opening and maybe he could still turn a bit. But when I lay like that, the contractions still came through strongly on the right side. I was allowed to lie flat again. As a result, I only felt my back contractions on the left side. But with my clenched fist in my back and the breathing techniques, I could manage these contractions and some I didn't even feel. Before the 'changing of the guard,' I was checked again and it turned out I was at 7 to 8 centimeters dilation. So it wasn't progressing. I was given labor-inducing drugs and they worked well. So a little later back on the bed and check again. In the meantime, the shift had changed and it was already past midnight. The new doctor and nurse indicated that I had 10 centimeters dilation with a rim and I was allowed to push for a bit. At first, this felt like a relief. I could do something I had control over. Well, I had this for a mere 20 minutes. After that, fatigue set in and I had no energy left. After 1.5 hours of pushing, the doctor indicated that an episiotomy was needed and he would do this during a contraction. I pushed for another half hour and then he was there, our son. On July 6, 2019, at 02:43 AM, our Oliver was born, 53 centimeters long and 3902 grams.

Looking back on the birth, it was totally worth it to me

We have received a beautiful son! But otherwise, I don't look back on it fondly. Everyone said: “Oh girl.. you'll forget the pain”. I still remember how the back labor felt like stabbing knives that were then twisted around. How my husband felt helpless. And how I lost control. I expected abdominal pain. I also had more confidence in my body that I would handle the contractions. Not without pain, of course, but with control. In the end, I could do it. The beautiful result is snoring next to me. But no, I will not forget the pain. And my confidence in my body's ability to handle pain has also been damaged.

ROSE