Rosy: “I am 36 weeks pregnant with a girl with Down syndrome”

First of all, I would like to thank everyone who has read my first blog

All the responses I have received have truly overwhelmed me! So kind, caring, helpful, sincere, and above all, very positive. I really needed this. After the blog went live, it felt as if a weight was lifted off my shoulders, and I noticed that I could enjoy my pregnancy 100% again. At the moment, I am 36 weeks pregnant and I am very curious when the little girl will arrive. Or as my dear mother says: “When will her birthday be?” It's all very exciting, but also very fun.

Over the past 10 weeks, my belly has grown significantly

And I've realized that getting fat is not for me, haha. My belly is mostly in the way and my nice t-shirts and sweaters have become crop tops. We've also had several hospital visits, which have made us much wiser and very well prepared for the arrival of our little girl. First of all, we've had various ultrasounds and aside from her heart defect, no other abnormalities were found, which we are very happy and grateful for! Her heart is beating well and I find this truly amazing. Despite some things missing and not working quite as they should, her heart keeps beating regularly and managing everything in her beautiful little body. A few days or weeks after her birth, an ultrasound of her heart will be made and as it looks now, she will undergo surgery in September.

Her legs are slightly below average in terms of growth

Her belly is slightly above average and her head circumference is right on the average. Despite her legs maybe being below average, she can kick powerfully with them. The sides of my belly have taken quite a beating and sometimes still do. We've also discovered that she's quite stubborn. The doctor tried to take a 3D photo of her face during the ultrasounds several times, but each time she would precisely cover her face with her hand. She wants to keep it all a secret! I've also had a discussion with the lactation consultant about what to expect. I notice that I am fortunately much more positive about my pregnancy and can enjoy it together with Daniel. Of course, I still have moments when I find it frightening and overthink certain things for too long. Sometimes I just doubt myself: 'Can I handle this? Will I succeed? Will I be a good mom?' This is also because her birth is getting closer. But also because I am emotionally conflicted. My feeling tells me that she doesn't have Down syndrome, while rationally I assume that she does. How twisted is that!? Maybe I feel this way because I've already accepted it and to me, she is just a 'normal' girl, or maybe I'm a doubting Thomas and need to see it to believe it. I don't know, but what I do know is that I already love our little girl very much!

Actually, I was not dreading the childbirth

But ever since the Corona virus arrived, I've been feeling increasingly anxious. I really wanted to give birth in a bath. I work at a swimming pool myself, and being in water is just a part of who I am. Unfortunately, due to the virus, this is not possible at the moment and I'm really bummed about it. It seemed like such a beautiful experience. For the last two ultrasounds, sadly, Daniel couldn't come inside to see our little girl. It felt really strange. We would drive to the hospital together, but then he would wait outside while I went in alone. A few weeks ago, there was also the question of whether Daniel would be allowed to be present at the birth. I found this idea so scary! I immediately thought: "I can't do this alone!" But luckily, he is allowed to be there. If he gets sick, he will be fully suited up so there's no risk of infection for the staff and our little girl. Our postnatal week will also look very different. No hugging and kissing grandparents, uncles, and aunts. They can certainly come to look, but we are also doing window visits. As much as we would like to let our own parents in, we just aren't taking the risk. I also try to see the positive in this: it's really just the three of you, and you can build a very strong bond with your daughter. But realistically, she has a heart defect, Down syndrome, and is still just a little baby, what if she gets the virus too? Of course, you shouldn't think about this for too long. It does play in the back of our minds, "what if". Hopefully, the virus will be under control soon and I can hug my dad and mom again, and grandparents can hug their granddaughter.

I am due on May 12

That's exactly 27 days away! Just 27 more days. While I still can, I'm enjoying the feeling of her kicking in my belly, but I can't wait to see her and hold her and truly become a mom! It's already quite an adventure for us. I'm also eager to experience even more adventures with our little girl and to see what's going to come our way. Whether they're wonderful things or things you'd rather avoid, Daniel and I are ready for it. Bring it on!

ROSY