Sacha: “Goodbye peace, every night there are 4 people sleeping in our bed”

I still remember how tiny Nora was when she was born. Her warm little body against mine, that tiny hand gripping my finger tightly. From that moment, I knew: I never wanted to let her go. It felt like a primal instinct, as if my entire being was shouting to keep her close. Those first nights in the hospital were already a challenge. She lay in a plastic crib next to my bed, but I couldn't fall asleep. Every time she made a little noise, I would shoot up. I wanted to feel her, hear her breathing, make sure everything was alright.

It gave me peace to have her close by

When we got home, I was determined. The co-sleeper we had purchased had to be placed right next to my side of the bed. Felix chuckled a bit about it: "As if you wouldn't hear her otherwise, Sacha." But he understood. It gave me peace of mind to have her close. The first nights were a mix of exhaustion and bliss. She would wake up every few hours, and I could just lift her out of the co-sleeper to feed her. No fuss with cribs or long distances. It felt right. Intimate, as if we had created a cocoon together.

“We barely have any space left, Sacha. I'll be stuck against the wall soon”

But Nora grew. Soon she no longer fit in the co-sleeper. I still wanted to keep her close, so we decided to push her crib against the bed. Felix had to get used to it. “We barely have any space, Sacha. I'll end up plastered against the wall.” But even he couldn't deny that it was nice. Nora was such a peaceful sleeper, and sometimes she would reach her hand through the bars of the crib, searching for me. Those touches, that pure trust... I wanted to hold onto it even longer.

A fortress of sleep made of beds and cribs

When our second daughter Hannah was born, everything changed. Where I had been searching with Nora for what worked, I now felt more confident. I knew I wanted to keep her close as well. The only problem was a practical one: our bed was simply too small. So a crib was placed on Felix's side too. Two little beds built against ours, as if we had created some sort of sleep fortress. It was a bit of a tight fit. Felix often joked that he felt like a sardine, but he went along with it. He saw how important it was to me.

A family-owned bed, that seemed nice to me

Yet it didn't feel entirely ideal. Hannah slept more restlessly than Nora, and I noticed that I woke up more often. When she cried at night, I sometimes had to lean over Felix to comfort her. That sometimes made me frustrated, but at the same time, I knew I didn't want it any other way. When Hannah turned two, the idea of a family bed started to take serious shape. I had already read so much about it online.

One bed with space for everyone

Mothers who swore by a large bed that could fit the whole family. I saw photos of beautiful beds, four meters wide, with space for everyone. “Should we do it?” I cautiously asked Felix. He looked at me, one eyebrow raised. “Seriously, Sacha? A bed that takes up half the bedroom?” But I knew him longer than today. He saw how happy it made me to sleep together, how it brought our family closer.

"If I run out of space at night, the bed goes on Craigslist"

Eventually, he conceded: "Okay, let's give it a try. But if I run out of space at night, it's going on Craigslist." And so it happened. We ordered a family bed four meters wide. It barely fit in our bedroom. Felix and I had to sacrifice our nightstands, and at first, it felt like we were living in a dormitory. But as soon as the bed was in place, we knew: this is it. Nora and Hannah were ecstatic. They ran back and forth across the bed, jumped on it, and giggled as if it were an attraction.

Everyone has their own place, yet still together

I remember the first night in the family bed so well. We were there, the four of us, each in our own place, yet together. Nora snuggled up to me and almost immediately fell asleep. Hannah lay with her head on Felix's arm. And me? I lay there with tears in my eyes. It felt so complete, so right. It was as if this was how sleeping was always meant to be.

Sometimes I wake up in the morning with a foot in my ribs, but I take it in stride

Of course, there are moments when I have my doubts. Nights when Hannah is restless and kicking her legs, keeping me awake constantly. Or mornings when I wake up with a foot in my ribs and think: “Why am I doing this to myself?” But those moments vanish like snow in the sun as soon as I see Nora’s face when she wakes up. She opens her eyes, looks at me, and whispers: “Good morning, mommy.” The same goes for Felix. He may grumble at times, but I see how his face lights up when the girls crawl onto his chest for a cuddle in the morning.

The family bed is our safe haven

The family bed has brought us closer together. It's more than a place to sleep; it's a safe haven, a place where we leave our worries behind at night and just be together. I know it's not for everyone. Some friends look at me wide-eyed when I tell them how we sleep. “But what about your privacy? Your sleep?” they ask. And honestly? Privacy is a challenge. Felix and I have had to come up with creative solutions to make time for ourselves. But it doesn't outweigh the benefits.

Someday the family bed will come to an end, but for now we are thoroughly enjoying it

Sometimes I wonder how long this will last. When will the moment come when Nora or Hannah says: “Mom, I want my own room?” That thought hurts a bit, but I also know it's part of it. Until then, I enjoy every night together. Because in the end, these are the moments that stick. Felix's soft snoring, the smell of Nora's hair, the way Hannah's little foot sometimes seeks out my leg. They are small things, but they mean everything.

Felix? He still claims that one day he'll end up stuck to the wall. But when I wake up at night and see him lying there, with both daughters snuggled up against him, I know he enjoys it just as much as I do.

SACHA