Lizzy: “My breast milk has been in the freezer for 5 years, I can't bring myself to part with it..”

I open the freezer and see them lying there: the 15 bags of breast milk that I once froze with so much care. In a corner, beneath the dried zucchinis and the loose vegetable packaging. I look at them and feel shame and guilt. Because when is something 'too old', when do you really have to say goodbye? I am Lizzy, mother of Noud (8) and Lune (5). With Noud, I couldn't breastfeed, but with Lune, fortunately, it went well and that milk has been safely stored in my freezer for about five years now. I can't detach myself from that piece of me.

When do you throw it away?

But at the same time, I feel ashamed. Because I often hear that other mothers also have milk stored in the freezer, but they seem to talk about it less. When do you throw it away, or what can you do with it? By now, I've decided: I want to have it made into a piece of jewelry and try to transform the rest into a 'milk bath', an ode, a transformation. When I was pregnant with Noud, I had high expectations of breastfeeding. But things turned out differently. The breastfeeding didn't go well, the bonding was difficult, Noud was restless, I struggled with stress and doubt. I eventually decided to stop, and although I continued to regret it, I could come to terms with it. When I was pregnant with Lune, I wanted to try again. And that went quite well until Lune was about six months old. I pumped more than she drank on some days, and stored that milk in bags in the freezer. It felt like securing a piece of our connection, a reserve that was always on hand.

These bags remained in the freezer

But things turned out differently. Some of those bags were not consistently kept at the right temperature, or had been out of the fridge for too long; I'm not exactly sure which ones. Later on, it turned out that Lune did not react well to dairy products, and I felt guilty for not paying closer attention to her diet sooner. The combination of doubt and fear made me decide: just don't give her that milk. And so, the bags remained in the freezer. Now, five years later, they are still there. Some may even be spoiled. No more baby to feed them to. And yet: I can't let go of them. It's as if each bag is a silent witness of a very special time. It's a piece of my body, of my motherhood, that I can't just throw away.

Fact Sheet: Preservation and Alternative Uses of Breast Milk (2024/2025)

• Shelf life in the refrigerator
  Breast milk can be stored in the refrigerator (4 °C or colder) for up to 3 days.
  Nutrition Center – Storing Breast Milk
• Shelf life in the freezer
  In a freezer (–18 °C), breast milk can be stored for up to 6 months.
  Nutrition Center – Storing Breast Milk
• International guidelines on extended storage
  The American health organization CDC states that ideally, breast milk should be used within 6 months, but it can be stored for up to 12 months in a freezer.
  CDC – Proper Storage and Preparation of Breast Milk (2024)
• Do not use milk that is no longer suitable for creative purposes
  When milk is no longer suitable for consumption, it can still be used for alternative applications such as jewelry or a milk bath.
  Exclusive Pumping – Breast Milk Jewelry
• How does a breast milk jewelry work?
  The milk is preserved (for example by drying or making it into powder) and then mixed with resin to create a lasting piece of jewelry.
  JCK Online – Breast Milk Jewelry

I can't keep it indefinitely

The emotion remains: every time I open the freezer, I feel a resistance to the thought of 'throwing away'. But there comes a point when it's enough, and I can't keep them forever. When the jewelry is finished and the milk bath is 'sealed', I can symbolically throw some away, for example, down the sink.

If you're reading this and have something in the freezer yourself; don't be too hard on yourself. Do what you want: throw it away, process it, transform it into jewelry, or keep it, it's your choice. Soon I'll carry it close to me, literally: a pendant as a symbol of the nights of pumping, for comfort and love.

LIZZY