I decided to have my children placed out of home
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First read the previous parts:
My ex put a knife to my little boy's throat
I was seriously injured after being assaulted by my friend
I did not dare to flee from my dangerous partner
I don't dare leave my husband alone with my children for a second
My husband got so furious that the entire living room was in ruins
My ex threatened to kill me, my children, and my parents
I didn't want the maternity nurse to find out what was happening in our house
My lawyer requested a restraining and no-contact order for my ex
I registered my son with the Youth Care Office because of his boundary-crossing behavior
The day of the trial for the custody of my children
I called the Youth Care Office with a heavy heart
A few months after I managed to get away, we also discovered that things were absolutely not going well with the children. With a heavy heart, I called the Youth Care Office and asked for help. My son was copying the behavior of my ex and it was incredibly intense. He was soon placed in a medical daycare for children. My daughter also showed signs of being traumatized, so I arranged help for myself and for my children from all sides.
The prejudices became increasingly intense
Many found it a brave decision that I arranged everything. When it became clear that the situation was not improving quickly, many people had prejudices: “You should have left earlier.” When I also had to decide that it was really better for my children to grow up somewhere else, all hell broke loose. From there on, the prejudices were not mild at all and people assumed that the judge had made this decision and that I was not a good mother.
I had decided this without a judge or child protective services
But there was never any judge involved or Child Protective Services needed. I made this decision myself along with the people who were close to me and the caregivers. All those years, I never had a judge or Child Protective Services involved. Years later, due to a lack of cooperation, I did get a Child Protective Services order for a year. But even then it turned out that I was not the one who needed it, and soon the youth protector withdrew.
Collaborate well instead of fighting
Years have passed and I have developed in many ways. Together with some other mothers, we have established a website about out-of-home placements and a forum where parents can ask each other questions and give tips. Most parents fall into a gap and struggle to find the right information. I have learned that working well with the caregivers, foster parents, residential home parents, or group leaders is very important. As a parent, you should not fight but try to work closely together. After all, I have also painfully experienced what happens when there is a lack of cooperation. It's important not to prioritize your own interests. And I know how difficult that is, but I have done it for years, precisely in the interest of my children.
The saddest moment was a closed placement
Unfortunately, I have had both very positive and extremely negative experiences in the processes with my children. From not cooperating to very good cooperation. It really mattered to me how communication was handled and still does. In our journey that my children and I have had to go through, we have been able to experience very beautiful developments. But also the deep sadness when you have to take one of your children to a closed facility. The powerlessness that gives is unimaginable. For me, it has been a road from euphoria to despair, from foster care to closed care, from psychiatry to treatment groups to family home. More about that in my next blogs.
Read HERE the continuation.
TRUUSJE
Our entire story can be read in my book: Behind My Front Door
Insta: truusjevanzanten