Sara (33): "I'm going on the fifth date, but I haven't mentioned my child yet"

I actually walked into the store that afternoon without any expectations

I just wanted a new coat, something practical and warm. But when I was at the checkout and Michiel looked at me, something happened that I hadn't anticipated. He made jokes and I had to laugh. I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time. Not since my relationship with my daughter's father ended. And that short conversation about a coat that might have been just too expensive kept going around in my head. He asked for my number, and I gave it to him. Without hesitation.

When I walked down the street afterwards, I noticed I was smiling

I liked him, but I shouldn't expect too much from myself. That same evening, he sent me a message. The universe nudged me: hey Sara, you're allowed to think about someone again. That was the beginning. The small seed that could become something great. And I immediately thought: when do you tell someone that you're a mother? That part of my story isn't just beneath the surface, it is my surface. My daughter is not a detail. And that's exactly why this didn't become a simple story.

Dates one through four: it went smoothly

Our first date was safe, standard, that much is true. A drink, a conversation. The second was a bit deeper, a bit longer, we both felt it wouldn't just be a single meeting. What surprised me the most was how easy it was to be myself. No role, no dating mask. Wonderful. I talked about work, friends, my life, almost everything, except for that one important chapter: my daughter.

During the third date, he cooked for me

A simple pasta, but delicious. He wasn't boasting, not trying to impress, just being himself. I watched him as he stirred the pot, and I thought: this is someone who pays attention, someone who notices what's happening in a room. I remembered how rare that was. How many men I had met before who lived only in their own heads. I felt really good with him.

By the fourth date, everything felt even more familiar

We walked through the city. It was raining a bit, but none of us made a fuss about it. The kind of ease you can't fake. I caught myself feeling safe. And that made it harder. Because the safer it felt, the bigger the moment became when I had to tell him about my daughter. I knew the conversation was coming, and yet I kept putting it off. I wanted to keep it that way...

When are you going to tell that you're a mother?

I vividly remember googling once: “When do you tell someone on a date that you have a child?” The answers were so contradictory that they were of no use to me. But one thing was clear: everyone speaks from a place of fear. Fear of losing someone, fear of being too much, fear of not being enough, fear of being misunderstood. Whereas the real question is: when does it feel right for you? And that question can't be answered by anyone else.

I also keep my previous experiences in mind

I've experienced before that someone backed out when I mentioned that I am a mother. The tone changed, you feel that immediately. And the rejection wasn't painful because he backed out, but because it felt as if my motherhood was seen as a deficit. Something that made me 'less available'. But for the right person, that's never the case. In fact, I want someone who sees that my life is richer, not more complicated. Someone who understands that I make time because I want to, not because I have oceans of free time. That's why I was so doubtful about when to mention it.

Why I am confident

I am not someone who is afraid to be alone. I have a good life. A daughter who is my greatest pride, a house that I am happy with, work where I can express my creativity. If someone comes into my life, it's because they make it more beautiful, not because they need to complete it. It's already complete. And that makes me strong during dating. It allows me to set boundaries. Love should contribute, not weigh down. What also makes me confident? Knowing exactly what I can offer. I am not a 'project', not a 'complicated story.' I am someone who knows what she wants and what she's worth.

What I have decided

Eventually, there just came a time when I thought: this is the right moment. I wanted to tell him before we got into a relationship rhythm. And if that meant he would back off, then it was better now than later. I practiced a thousand times in my head how I would say it. Not too heavy, not dramatic. Just: this is me. This is my life. This is who I am. Not as a confession, but as part of my identity. I knew: the fifth date would be the moment. And what would happen after that? I would find out that evening.

SARA