Astrid: “My daughter said: ‘I think it's so unfair, you can't do this’, my daughter feels that I favor her brother and his family, suddenly I doubted whether I did the right thing”

I have three beautiful children: Michael, Johanna, and Isabel

Three completely different characters, three completely different life paths. Incredibly fun. Michael, the eldest, 32 years old and father of my only grandchild, Dionne. Johanna, 28 years old, a creative designer who indulged in a clothing store where she dressed the mannequins and built entire racks. And then Isabel, the youngest, 24 years old and still fully immersed in her medical studies.

I was proud of them

About how they went their own way. But that pride has recently been overshadowed by something else. Arguments. Jealousy. Trouble I had never anticipated. And it all started with a few hundred euros.

A small gesture with big consequences

Michael and his wife Kyra were not well-off. They both worked hard, but with a toddler of two years old and all the expenses that came with it, there was little room for extras. I could see it in them, in how they always chose the cheapest options, how they canceled outings because it 'just didn't fit'.

When Kyra told me that they really wanted to get away for a few days, but it wasn't going to work out financially, I didn't hesitate for a moment

I had some savings and could easily spare it. So I transferred a few hundred euros for the much-desired summer vacation. 'Enjoy it,' I had said. 'Make memories.' Kyra had tears in her eyes. Michael gave me a big hug. 'Thank you, mom. Really.' I didn't think twice about it. Until Johanna and Isabel found out.

Angry faces at the dining table

‘So you're paying for their vacation?’ Johanna's tone was sharp. She sat across from me in the living room, arms crossed. Isabel stood beside her, her face a mix of anger and disappointment. ‘I just helped out a bit,’ I said calmly. ‘They're not well-off and I can spare it.’ ‘What about us?’ Isabel said. ‘Do we also get a few hundred euros? Or do we have to have a child before you give us anything?’

I looked at her in surprise

‘You're not lacking anything, are you? You're still in school, Isa. You don't even have to pay a mortgage.’ ‘That's not the point,’ Johanna said sharply. ‘It's about you favoring Michael.’ I sighed. ‘I'm not favoring anyone. But he has a family. That's different. You'll get something too when you're at that point.’

Johanna was furious

‘Maybe I don’t want a family at all, mom. Does that make me less important?’ That remark hit me. ‘Honey, that’s not what I mean…’ ‘That’s how it feels,’ she snapped at me. ‘You’ve always had a soft spot for Michael. And now that he has a child, he’s even more favored.’ ‘That’s not true!’ I said. ‘You’ve always had everything you wanted. You went to college without worries. You never missed out on anything. This was just a little bit of help.’ ‘Well, it feels like a lot more than that,’ Isabel muttered. She looked at Johanna and I saw that they understood each other without saying a word.

An awkward silence

I didn't quite know what to say. It seemed like no matter how I explained it, they didn't want to listen. Of course, I wanted Michael and Kyra to have that vacation. But that didn't mean I loved Johanna and Isabel any less. How could they not understand that? 'You will also get something when you need it,' I tried again. 'If you, Johanna, ever buy a house and need a little push, I'll help you. And Isa, when you graduate and need to stand on your own two feet, I'll be there for you too.'

Johanna shook her head

‘It's not about the money, Mom. It's about the principle.’ I could feel the irritation bubbling up inside me. ‘But what principle then? That your mother does something small for her son who's having a tough time? Should I just divide everything as if I were an accountant?’ ‘Maybe you should, yes,’ Johanna retorted. ‘At least it would feel fair.’ Isabel sighed and stood up. ‘Never mind, Joh. Mom just doesn't get it.’

I watched as my daughters walked out of the kitchen, frustrated and angry

I was left with a bitter taste in my mouth. Had I really done something wrong? Or were they just seeing it incorrectly?

A conversation with Michael

Later that evening, Michael called. 'Mom, I heard from Kyra that Joh and Isa are angry.' I sighed deeply. 'Yes. They think I'm favoring you.' 'That's nonsense,' he said immediately. 'You've always given us all the same amount.' 'I'm trying to explain that to them, but they don't want to listen.' 'Just let them be,' said Michael. 'Maybe they'll understand when they have children of their own.' I hoped he was right. But somewhere, deep down, it hurt. Because I never wanted money to come between us. And suddenly I started to doubt whether what I had done was right...

ASTRID