Vanessa: ‘It seemed as if Lío had bitten off someone's finger’

I knew it would happen, eventually. That moment when a sweet, adorable toddler suddenly becomes the main character in a drama at the daycare. But I didn't see such a big drama coming. It started on an ordinary Tuesday morning when I dropped off my son Lío at the group and quickly ran to work.

Message on the Parent App

Nothing was wrong. Until later that afternoon I received a message through the parent app: 'A biting incident occurred in the group today. Your child was involved.' A biting incident?! Trouble?! I read the sentence three times, as my heart started to beat faster.

In short: Lío bit another child out of anger. On top of that, I was informed that an envelope would be ready with the official protocol.

Protocol? Envelope? It seemed as if Lío had bitten someone's finger off instead of angrily sinking his teeth into someone.

The confrontational envelope

That same afternoon, I stood in the lobby of the daycare, nervous like a teenager about to receive detention. One of the teachers handed me a large envelope. 'Take your time reading it,' she said with a serious look. I nodded as if this was all the most normal thing in the world, but honestly? I felt like I was standing in the principal's office of a high school. What could it contain? A suspension? An angry letter from the parents of the victim?

When I got home, I opened the envelope. Inside, I found an official explanation of how 'biting incidents' are handled according to policy. It was all very serious: it mentioned discussions, observations, and that parents should guide their child's behavior. It felt a bit as though Lío was now secretly on a blacklist.

The conversation with the teacher

The next morning I had a conversation with the teacher. She remained very kind, but explained that biting at this age happens 'quite often'. Fortunately, there was no permanent damage, but Lío had given the other child quite a scare. 'We take these kinds of things seriously,' she emphasized.

I cautiously asked if Lío was now seen as some sort of aggressive toddler. 'Not at all,' the teacher laughed, 'biting is a phase. It's usually frustration because they don't yet know how to express themselves.' But still... There was something in her tone that made me feel uncertain. Why then the protocols, the envelope, that serious message in the app? In my mind, Lío had suddenly become a sort of bogeyman, the child others are afraid of.

What did I learn from this?

Later that week, I watched Lío as he played with his Duplo with great enthusiasm. This wasn't a boogeyman, was it? This was just my child. Sweet, mischievous, but also a bit temperamental. The biting wasn't a 'character flaw' or evidence of a violent nature, but just a toddler thing.

And honestly? Maybe parents are also somewhat affected by that perfect image. You don't want your child to be that child who bites, hits, or does something unacceptable. But let's be honest: which child is always perfect?

Since the incident, I have taught Lío to express his anger in other ways. 'Use your words,' I often say now. Not that it always works, but hey, it's a process. The biting incident has especially taught me that parents can afford to be a bit more lenient. Towards themselves, but also towards their children. Making mistakes is okay. And sometimes, just sometimes, that means your child might bite another child. Or push. Or hit.

VANESSA