Fayah: "I have a strange feeling about the daycare of my little son (9 months)"

I'm worried about Tod

Motherhood has brought me so much joy, but also a whole new kind of worries. My son Tod is just nine months now, we enjoy him tremendously. Yet, I notice that I've been feeling restless lately, especially when it comes to his time at daycare.

We have carefully selected the shelter location

He's there three days a week, since he was four months old. Not because I wanted it that way, actually not at all, but because there was no other choice. We don't have grandparents nearby who can babysit regularly, and both of us taking more than one day off per week wasn't an option with our employers. It felt like there was no other choice, and so we very consciously and carefully chose a daycare where we both felt good about.

We had every confidence in it

The caregivers seemed very friendly, patient, and professional to us. The spaces are bright and cozily furnished, and I got the feeling that there was a pleasant atmosphere. The daily routine they follow is clear, with set times for sleeping, playing, and eating. Everything seemed well-organized on paper, and during the tour, we got the impression that Tod would be in safe and loving hands. But as time goes on, nagging doubts remain in the back of my mind. It doesn't feel entirely right.

When retrieving, he reacts noticeably

When I pick him up at the end of the day, he behaves in a way that I find hard to identify. Maybe I'm worrying over nothing. But still, I wonder: is this the right place for him? I started to notice that every time I pick him up, he has a strange look in his eyes. He looks at me as if he needs a moment to process who I am, or he seems to look away from me. At first, I thought maybe he was tired or just woke up, and that this was just his way of coming around. But it kept happening, and now it feels uncomfortable. I'm his mother, the person he should feel safe with. Why then does he look at me so distantly?

It feels to me as if he's not himself

One of the moments that touched me the most was when I picked him up one afternoon and he was playing in a corner by himself. He was very still, which is unusual for him. Tod is usually an active little guy, curious and energetic. The teacher told me that he had a good day and had played quietly, but to me, it felt as if he wasn't himself. When I picked him up, he clung to me as if he was afraid I would leave again. I noticed that he was very quiet the whole way home, not making any sounds like he usually does when I talk to him. That silence lingered all evening and I couldn't ignore that it really worried me.

I have the feeling that he's not getting the attention he needs

Another time I walked into the daycare and saw one of the caregivers feeding him. She seemed hurried, as if she wanted to be done with it quickly. When she saw me, she smiled kindly and said that he had eaten well. But I had an uncomfortable feeling that he wasn't getting the attention he needed. Tod's expression seemed empty as he sat there in the high chair, without the excitement he usually has when eating. This image keeps haunting me: my son, in a place where I thought he would be safe, but which might not meet his needs as I had hoped.

His behavior seems to tell me that he's not feeling okay

Meanwhile, I find myself wondering if this daycare is the right place for him. It feels like I've reached a point where I can no longer ignore these doubts. Of course, he's still young and can't articulate how he feels. He can't use words to tell me whether he likes it there or not, or if there's something bothering him. But his behavior seems to be telling me something else. This strange aloofness after a day at daycare doesn't feel right, and it scares me that I might be missing signals.

Should we make some changes?

Should I look for a different daycare? I know there probably isn't a perfect place, but I want a place where Tod feels not only physically safe but also emotionally supported and acknowledged. Children feel so much, even if they can't express it in words yet. And as a mother, I want to trust my instincts, even if it means I might have to make a change.

I can't let it go

Perhaps I'm being overprotective and this anxiety will fade away on its own, but the thought of jeopardizing his well-being by doing nothing makes it impossible for me to let go. I want to discuss with the caregivers about how he behaves, but I strongly doubt whether that will yield any results. Maybe I should investigate whether there are alternatives that better suit what Tod needs anyway. I feel obligated to listen to his silent signals, for both Tod's sake and my own peace of mind.

FAYAH