Hilarious mood swings in teenage children…
My child is in grade 8 and participates in mediation
That means they help the younger children resolve disputes on the playground. If they really can't figure it out, they can of course call on the playground monitors for help. I'm so excited because they learn at a very conscious level to think about the steps they need to take: taking turns speaking, letting each other finish, listening to one another, this way you also learn how to resolve disputes yourself. I truly believe in peer groups, that you accept more from your peers and that it sticks more (than adults shouting all sorts of things). They think it's super cool. They'll just sort it out. The apparent nonchalance with which she explains that you really don't resolve a fight by yelling at the other person, while this morning the brush went flying across the room because her hair wouldn't tie back to her standards, then I just chuckle a bit
Monday
Two friends, F and J, came home from school with me. When I asked, 'How was your day?', the main response was, 'Mom, just let us be'. Usually, the girls chat and giggle, but now they were silent and each on their phone while drinking.... It turned out to be impossible to have a sensible conversation with them. I think to myself: 'Should I do something about it? Say that the phones need to be put away?'. But then again, you can't force a good time. So I just let the girls be. I had to leave for work for a bit, which was no problem. The same routine as always: 'Don't just open the door, check who's there first'. And so on.... After forty-five minutes, I was back. The girls disappeared upstairs and life was back in them, YES! It sounded fun and of course, the girls stayed for dinner. Those are always incredibly fun moments that I really enjoy. They often talk about their class, who reacts to whom, what they like and dislike, and they put on a performance. Grab a drink and popcorn, and I have my own theater in the living room. Hilarious when they imitate each other mega over the top, tease and challenge each other. Before F and J are picked up, they make a TikTok with a dance they've practiced hard on.
Time for bed
"Mom... we're going to chat about the old days. What are the biggest differences between when you were young and now? Name five." (She's into numbers and facts). I start talking about hair, permed and teased with lots of hairspray, and how now healthy locks are considered beautiful and definitely no perms. "Hahahaha did you have that?". "Uhh yes... Don't laugh!", I reply. And then music. "When my favorite song came on the radio, I would quickly pop in a cassette. Boom, record. If I was unlucky, some annoying DJ would talk over the end of the song but... then you had it. Now you can search for music anywhere at the moment you want and wish." This naturally leads to the discussion of the incredibly unfair fact that SHE still hasn't paid for Spotify and when she goes to high school, she'll have to bike a long time (a maximum of fifteen minutes) without music. "Pffff... Sweetie, are you already in high school? Do you ever bike alone?". Time for some pedagogical intervention: "Listen darling, WHEN YOU'RE TWELVE things change and not before!". That way I neatly avoided the other points, because it was seriously bedtime.
Saturday evening
Dear friend Ed is with me. He receives a phone call from his 17-year-old son. "Dad, let's FaceTime because I need to iron a shirt, but I don't know how to do it." And off they go. One grabs the iron, plugs it in, and sets up the ironing board! Dad explains step by step how to get the shirt nicely ironed. "First, you lay your shirt like this on the ironing board. Then you iron over it calmly. Then you put the iron aside, reposition the shirt." And sure enough, after 10 minutes the son is done without a scorched shirt. He's ready to go out. They chat a bit more and it's so funny to listen to! The teenager gets a compliment. "Son, I notice you think for yourself and don't just follow everyone else." Meanwhile, the teenager grumbles on and 5 seconds later it clicks: my father is saying something nice and he means it too! Mumble mumble. "Yes, yes, yes, thank you and you know what dad…". Then come the real stories. A fight between friends that he had intervened in. In the end, he thought they should sort it out themselves. "Why didn't you tell me that right away?", my friend asks. "Well dad, I can't tell everything and you don't need to interfere, you know", the son replies. "Noooooooo, I don't, but it's good to know! Just tell me. You can share it!", my husband insists. "Yes, yes, yes, but I have to go now. Can you transfer some money?" His son gets to the point. "Okay... But what happened to your allowance then?", dad asks. "I did some shopping and now it's gone. You were away a lot for work this week, remember?" "Say that then! You don't get allowance for that. That's smart and cool of you, but you should say so!", my friend concludes.
Somewhat later in the evening. A little friend is sitting on the stairs. “Hey, why aren't you upstairs with the other girls?”, I ask. Crying. “I often argue with my dad and mom and I don't like that!” “No sweetie, I understand. Do you also know why?”. “No, but then I say things I don't mean, but then we're already arguing!”. Explained to the little friend that when you're 11 years old there's often a storm in your head. You don't know what it's about or why, but it happens. Especially dad and mom can then say exactly those things that make you even angrier. That happens to Ed too, then it's not good if I don't respond, or if I'm calm and reasonable or just angry. Nothing is right. That storm has to pass and only then there is room again. “And it's easier to say this to me than to your own parents. After all, I'm not your mom. Is it true that you actually love your dad and mom?”, I ask. “Yessss…”, she answers and then more tears came! I agreed to message her mother that her daughter loves her very much. And then she skipped upstairs to joke around with the other two goats! Talk about a mood swing?
MARY
