During an ultrasound, it appears that the baby has a thickened nuchal fold, followed by an amniocentesis

My thoughts go out to all the moms who experience this and lose a child

How strong you all are. My story has a happy ending. And I am so grateful for that! I write for Kids en Kurken, among other things, to get things off my chest. And man, does it feel liberating! After having written down this story, I feel much more relieved. Writing helps!

At the beginning of January, I discovered that I was pregnant again. We were so happy! Our daughter was already 2.5 years old and we were ready for a second child. We had registered at the maternity clinic in the children's hospital in our city. That's where our first was also born. They have a maternity outpatient clinic, which kind of gives you priority when giving birth in that hospital. With our first daughter, we were nicely guided there. The best care was within reach. We were allowed to come in for an ultrasound soon, at 8 weeks they checked if the heart was beating. And it was! How wonderful! Extremely happy and relieved, we went home.

At 10 weeks another ultrasound, the so-called dating scan. This was done twice in our hospital. At 8 and at 10 weeks. We went to the midwife without any worries. The heartbeat was strong. We were curious to see if the dating estimate was still accurate. We left our eldest with the grandparents and went quickly. In the hospital, the ultrasounds were not performed by the midwife. You first went to the ultrasound department and then to your appointment with the midwife or obstetrician. The heartbeat was strong. But then the sonographer became quieter. She asked if we wanted to take a look at the neck. She showed the nuchal translucency. It was too thick. She moved the mouse over the screen and measured the diameter of the nuchal translucency. She recorded the thickness. Then she asked if I could undress. She also wanted to do a transvaginal ultrasound. In the changing booth, a feeling of fear crept over me. Something was wrong. Her face looked worried. We tried to figure out what was wrong. She didn't say much. 'The options can be discussed with the midwife later,' she said. 'What the next steps are, what it means.' We didn't understand. Despite being parents for almost 3 years, I didn't know that a thickened nuchal translucency was a bad sign. I immediately thought of Down syndrome, but nothing more. The sonographer explained that anything above 2.5 millimeters is too thick. We were at 3.5. It wasn't a huge amount, but it wasn't good. I got dressed, shaking. She saw it, gave us a cup of water, and went to get the midwife. She took us straight to her room, no crowded waiting room to sit in. We were allowed to go straight through. She took all the time we needed. Asked what we wanted. We wanted to take the NIPT anyway, which wasn't available to everyone with our eldest. The midwife thought this was wise.

Fortunately, the NIPT results came back very quickly and they were good

I was called by the hospital on my way to the education strike in The Hague. What a relief! Meanwhile, we had a gender ultrasound and saw that we were expecting another girl. At the midwife's, we discussed the positive NIPT. But because the nuchal translucency was still thickened, she thought we should also look at other possibilities. A thickened nuchal translucency could only be observed between 12 and 15 weeks. After that, it would decrease. Even in babies that had something. The fact that it didn't go away in our baby, the midwife couldn't explain. "It could also be that he or she just has a thick neck. Still, we want to be sure." We noticed that the uncertainty was constantly on your mind. After a tough first pregnancy, I was so determined to enjoy this pregnancy. And now I was constantly in uncertainty and stress. I had a few options: amniocentesis to look for causes of the thickening. For example, a chromosomal abnormality, a DNA abnormality, a syndrome, or a metabolic disorder. An amniocentesis is invasive. With a hollow needle, the doctor pierces the belly, into the uterus, and removes amniotic fluid from the uterus. There is a small risk of miscarriage because the amniotic sac can tear. I could also do nothing.

Somewhat confused, we go home. We had just been relieved by the positive NIPT result. In addition to the biopsy, we also get a detailed 20-week ultrasound, a so-called GUO (Advanced Ultrasound Examination) where everything is examined with regard to physical abnormalities. This ultrasound is scheduled when I am 19 weeks pregnant. The results come two weeks later. This means that if the results are really not good, we still have 3 weeks to make a choice about continuing or terminating the pregnancy.

The echo is intense

On the ultrasound, you can see the needle entering your uterus. You can see that the baby is not nearby. There is a doctor for the injection, a sonographer for the ultrasound, and a nurse for support. It feels very comforting to have so many people looking after you. My husband is there, and afterwards, blood is taken from both of us. Should they find something, they will compare it with our blood. Sometimes it's an 'anomaly' that one of the parents also has, and then they immediately know to what extent it is serious or not. We go home to wait. The ultrasound is the following week. It goes incredibly well. They don't see anything worrisome, and the nuchal translucency has finally assumed normal proportions. Here's to more good news.

And then two weeks later, indeed, the call comes at the agreed time. There is NOTHING wrong with our daughter. They couldn't find anything and she is deemed 100% healthy. A weight is lifted off our shoulders. I am 22 weeks pregnant and have lived 12 weeks in suspense and uncertainty. Of course, I did enjoy it. But with every kick, with every cramp, with every appointment, all sorts of things go through your head. I've kept up a brave face. I tried to consciously enjoy the pregnancy. We just went for a gender scan and a gender reveal. We just prepared a room and shared the name in advance. While all that time we actually didn't know for sure if our girl was healthy and allowed to be born.

It was very tough

I just didn't allow myself to be consumed by worries and sorrow. Not all the time. We just kept going. For our eldest as well. However, I no longer went to the midwife's appointment alone. We went for extra check-ups and were listened to when we switched to an obstetrician due to a planned cesarean section. I am incredibly grateful for all the technology and science available today. If there had been something wrong with our daughter, we would have known before her birth and she might not have had to suffer unnecessarily.

At 39 weeks and 4 days, our daughter Rori was born via a planned cesarean section. Perfectly healthy. Just with a thick neck. It really took its toll. The postnatal period was different because of this. I had many doubts about her health and was very alert. After 5 weeks, Rori was admitted with viral meningitis, caused by the ENTERO virus. This also took a heavy toll. Now that I write this story down, I realize just how much it has affected me and still does. That there is now a healthy, happy baby, I am incredibly grateful for.

KELLY