Dad Jonathan talks about the delivery and really has a great tip for soon-to-be fathers
Please introduce yourself
My name is Jonathan and I am 31 years old. I have been married to my lovely and beautiful wife, named Cornelie, since June 2018. I work for the government and in my free time, I prefer to do a lot of sports. I play volleyball about twice a week. Additionally, snowboarding and wakeboarding are my great passions. If I have some time left, I also enjoy photography.
How did you react when you heard you were going to be a dad?
I can still remember clearly when we discovered that Cornelie was pregnant. We both came home from work on April 1, 2019, and Cornelie already suspected she might be pregnant. She had been late for a few days. She asked me: “Should I get a pregnancy test?” I said: “You'll probably get your period tomorrow”. But Cornelie followed her intuition and quickly went to get a test from the drugstore before closing time. Two lines appeared on the test almost immediately. The first thing we both thought was: Waaaaaah! I was incredibly happy but I also realized that my spontaneous lifestyle was going to change. I like to do things spontaneously. “That means a lot of planning which I'm not very good at”, I thought. I was grateful that Cornelie could become pregnant so quickly. Children are not something you take, but something you receive. I fully understand that this is not always a given. After we found out, I went to volleyball practice with a big smile.
How did you experience your wife's pregnancy?
Cornelie's pregnancy went very well. In the first trimester, she did experience the "normal" pregnancy ailments, such as fatigue and nausea. I attended all but one ultrasound appointment. The due date was December 5, 2019. Oh dear, hopefully not a Sinterklaas baby. The midwife reassured us because only 4 percent give birth on their due date. I found it very beautiful and special to see and hear the heartbeat! Cornelie was much more into the ultrasounds and check-ups. I was very involved but the feeling wasn't very strong yet. To be honest, the real realization came later. It could also be that I was a bit cautious because my brother and sister-in-law lost their son who was only allowed to live for 5 weeks. In the second trimester, we went on one last vacation together to Ibiza. It was wonderful! In the third trimester, we finished the nursery with a jungle theme. I noticed that I had a bit of nesting instinct myself, as I wanted everything to be in order before the baby was born. This was much later than Cornelie, who started nesting at 20 weeks.
Can you talk about the childbirth?
Saturday, November 23, 2019. I had worked a morning shift and then immediately went to play an important volleyball match. It was one of those busy days where you're constantly watching the clock. The match didn't go well, and after the game, I also had a bar shift. After the bar shift, I stayed a while in the sports hall's canteen. When I finally got home around 8:00 PM, Cornelie told me she felt that the baby might be on its way. She had been having strong Braxton Hicks contractions for a few days, and she thought these might be pre-labor signs. A few days earlier, we had an appointment with the midwife. She told us not to immediately think that if Cornelie felt something, the baby would come right away. According to her, it could still take a long time, and it would be a shame if you had too little sleep when the actual labor starts. I
told her after I got home that I was exhausted and wanted to go to sleep. Cornelie kept saying that she felt the baby could come at any moment. She insisted that I shower first because I smelled like the fryer from the bar shift. After I showered, I went to bed. I told her that she'd better go to sleep too and that she didn't need to worry yet. I can barely remember saying that, and shortly after, I was off to the stars.
I was asleep and Cornelie woke me up around 00:30. She had timed the contractions and they were coming every four minutes. I even woke up a bit grumpy because I was really exhausted. Cornelie wanted to call the midwife to discuss the situation. She called from bed and indeed, the midwife asked if she had timed the contractions. She had done this for an hour. The midwife said that it should actually be two hours, but she would come over anyway. Then we would also know how we were going to spend the night. After about fifteen minutes, the midwife was at our doorstep. She checked to see if Cornelie had any dilation. I will never forget those two faces when the midwife exclaimed: 'Girl, you're already at 9 centimeters dilation! We're going to the hospital now or it's going to be a home birth. Before it's light, you'll be parents.' I heard those words go through my head a few more times while I loaded our new car, which we had picked up the day before, with the birthing bag and Maxi-Cosi. It was the second time Cornelie was in our new car. In the car on the way to the hospital, Cornelie started to have a harder time. Cornelie wanted to give birth in a bath, but unfortunately, the hospital we had in mind was not available at that moment. We had to divert to another hospital where we had fortunately also looked before. Everything went quickly from the moment in the car.
Upon arrival at the hospital's delivery rooms, Cornelie quickly reached 10 centimeters dilation. Her membranes were ruptured and she was allowed to start pushing. Cornelie had to push for about an hour and a half in various positions. I thought Cornelie was so strong and doing well. All I could do was tell her this and hold her hand. I was incredibly proud of her! The final part of the delivery was a bit stagnant and the midwife wanted to call a doctor to assess the situation. When Cornelie heard this, she gained even more strength and gave it her all.
On Sunday, November 24 at 04:24 AM, our son Manoah Liam was born. Nickname: Manoah. I will never forget the moment right after he was born, he reflexively spread his arms with a slight shock. It was as if he was saying: hold me! It was such a cute and special sight. From that moment on, I was in love with my son! The exhaustion disappeared and turned into adrenaline. So happy and relieved that everything had gone so well. At 08:00 AM, we were allowed to go home as a proud little family.
December was not very easy for us, actually quite dramatic. After we waved goodbye to the maternity nurse one week after the birth of Manoah, Cornelie, my wife, ended up in the hospital with a high fever. She suffered from severe stabbing pains in her abdomen. Many tests followed. Cornelie was really sick and it was clearly visible. All the care then fell on my shoulders. It was really tough going. It was painful and frustrating for her that she couldn't take care of Manoah. After five days, she was allowed to go home. She could finish the antibiotics at home. During the antibiotic treatment, Cornelie again experienced unbearable pain in her abdomen and the hospital wanted to see her again. A night full of examinations followed. We were allowed to go home in the morning. A few days after the antibiotics had worn off, Cornelie got a fever again. Another five-day hospital stay followed. It was really a rollercoaster. To make matters worse, I suddenly developed acute facial paralysis, probably due to exhaustion. I was also partially incapacitated, but we had to continue. We were in survival mode. Manoah did well all that time, while his mom and dad were completely down and out. We had a lot of help from our loved ones, for which we are incredibly grateful. Now things are much better and we are enjoying our little family.
How did you come up with the names for your child?
The name Manoah means: rest and peace. Manoah is a Hebrew name for boys and girls. The name Manoah is almost exclusively given to boys. We already thought Noah was a very beautiful name, but it is quite common. Then after some research, we came across the name Manoah and we both found it very beautiful. Liam actually comes from Cornelie, because she is often called Lie.
What do you find most beautiful about fatherhood and what is the hardest?
Fatherhood is so special to me. It all sounds so cliché, but such a little one is really so much fun and gives me a tremendous amount of energy. Of course, the sleepless nights are tough, but when you turn on the bedroom light and see that little face, you forget it all in an instant.
What do you want to pass on to your children? What do you think is important?
My aim is to instill good morals and values in Manoah. To provide him with a nice, safe, and loving home. That he may always be himself. I will always try to encourage him to do what he enjoys and what he is good at. I will also teach him to be independent. That will benefit him greatly later on.
What advice do you have for other soon-to-be fathers?
My advice for daddys-to-be. Consider the advice you get from everyone. Everyone means well, but trust in your own abilities. Just stay true to yourself and try to continue doing the things you did before you had the little one. Keep investing in your relationship, because having a baby is no small thing.
For points in the area of involvement: just download a pregnancy app. That way, for instance, you'll know exactly what she can and cannot eat during the pregnancy.
Best regards,
JONATHAN
