I am afraid: “I just hope my child doesn't get bullied”

Fears. I think it's something every mother recognizes

My biggest fear is that nothing bad happens to my child... And that he doesn't get bullied... This is one of my fears. Senn started elementary school last week. And I really thought this was a huge step. My little one is suddenly away from home five days a week. He now has a life of his own, to some extent. Times when I can't always be there. Times when other kids might say or do mean things, and he'll have to stand up for himself. I've always been a mother who let him try to solve problems with other kids on his own. Very consciously. I think that's important. If another child took something from him and Senn started crying, I would explain to him that he had to say that wasn't allowed and he should take it back. I didn't immediately intervene if another child did something to him that wasn't nice. Usually, I watched first to see how he dealt with the situation himself. I found this very difficult, but I did it anyway. Simply because I believe that's how he learns the most. And that it's what benefits him the most. Especially when I can't always be around him. Like now, as he starts elementary school.

I have always thought a lot about this

About other kids who do annoying things. And that's just how children are. It happens. And I think it affects every mother when you see that other kids are not being nice to yours. But for me, I think it's just a bit more prevalent.

I really had a terrible time in elementary school. I never enjoyed it there. I was always the girl who was chosen last for sports. And I wasn't even really chosen, I was just the last one left. And then the team that ended up with me would say out loud: 'Oh nooooo, we got Claudia'. Why was I bullied? No idea. The only thing I can think of is that I've always been someone with a strong opinion of my own. And I wasn't afraid to express it. I wasn't a follower. Maybe the other kids couldn't handle that? Teachers never really helped properly either. I remember in grades 7 and 8 I had a teacher who told my parents during parent-teacher meetings that I should speak up whenever something happened. Well, I found out what that meant once. There was gossip about me again and notes being passed around. I stood up in the middle of the lesson (it was dead silent) and said: 'STOP IT! I DON'T LIKE THIS!'. To which my teacher replied: 'Claudia, you need to raise your hand first and not just interrupt my class like that.' I was sometimes invited to birthday parties. And I sometimes had a girlfriend in class. But most of the time, I was the one everyone had it in for. It was just really not a good time. If I ever received an invitation to a reunion, I would throw it in the trash.

In high school, I was determined that this would not happen to me again, and fortunately, it did not

Except when I switched high schools (I was attending a theater program and it wasn't what I expected), I encountered bullies again. I was about 15 or 16 years old at the time and could see much more clearly what the kids in elementary school probably struggled with about me. It was even told to me explicitly: 'If you want to hang out with us, you can't hang out with them.' So I had to choose, because if I wanted to be part of the 'popular group', I couldn't associate with people from the 'gothic group'. I didn't agree with this at all and just went my own way again. Hanging out with whoever I wanted and not following the crowd. And, not afraid to voice my own opinion. And sure enough, the same old story. I was bullied again. Only this time I was much stronger, thankfully. I didn't let it bother me. But it wasn't fun. Of course not. Old feelings resurfaced, but now I knew better how to deal with them. However, I can still remember that nasty and lonely feeling. And I shudder to think that my children might go through this. Sometimes I wonder, what can I do? I can't protect them, unfortunately. It's the harsh world they are growing up in. All I can do is make sure I teach them to stand up for themselves and teach them how to deal with unpleasant people. And the fact is, you have and will always have those unpleasant people. All your life. And I hope they won't be bullied, but even if they aren't, they will certainly encounter negativity and setbacks on their path, and those are also life's lessons, which you unfortunately have to learn from.

CLAUDIA