A day in the life of a twin mom

Shall we stop!

To walk past twin moms with a face that betrays you never wish to have twins. Looking at them as if they have a serious illness. “Wow, that’s intense”, “You must be so busy” and “Better you than me” are pretty much the most common remarks every twin mother hears. Don’t get me wrong, everyone is entitled to their opinion and it is certainly busy, but it’s not like you have a choice when you find out there are two. What are you supposed to say to the doctor? “Say what? There are two?! No way, I’ll just put the ugliest one up for sale on Marktplaats later!” Yep, it’s tough, mega tough even. Sometimes you don’t know whether you’re coming or going. I think every twin mom can attest to that. It would be more appreciated if you would say: “You’re doing so well with two little ones” or even a simple “You look great” can really help. Giving someone a boost. Something we should do much more often for each other. Who knows, maybe the twin mom had a mental breakdown just before and couldn’t take it anymore. She might have wanted to sit in a corner and cry because she couldn’t stand the crying of two babies anymore. How great would it be if you could make a difference by saying she’s doing well? Without judging or making faces, because you’ve concluded that twin parenting is hard. Sometimes, by saying something small, you can make someone’s day. Let’s be more social towards each other. Help each other out when you see someone struggling. We’ve become selfish and harsh towards each other. What I especially notice is that the older generation greets me with a big smile. “You are so wealthy” and “You must be so proud”, I often hear. Then a smile appears on my face. “Yes”, I think, because sometimes you forget what a blessing it is. You just want to lock yourself away because you don’t know how to go on. You’re running on fumes. Especially on days when everything seems to go wrong. Kids crying, lack of sleep, your house turned into a real monkeytown. Let me take you to such a day…

In the morning around 6 o'clock I make the first bottle

If we're lucky, we can sleep through until 6 am, but usually, we've woken up two or three times because one of the two was crying. Teething, a dirty diaper, thirst, separation anxiety, we've seen it all. Just as one settles into calm waters, the other starts to stir. The plight called twins. The big advantage of having two kids is that there are no arguments about whose turn it is to get up. After all, you have two, so both of you get to work (It saves a huge relationship crisis, believe me!). Once they've both finished their bottles, it's time to get dressed. Number 1 is covered in poop from head to toe (how does he do it every morning?!), and yes, number 2 has hit the jackpot again. Great on an empty stomach. Then it's time to quickly eat a sandwich and get dressed myself. Quite a challenge, because that twin playpen is nice, but putting two kids in it who scratch each other's eyes out is not an option. So, one goes in the playpen, the other comes upstairs with me. While I quickly apply some makeup to my face, I hear number 1 screaming in the playpen downstairs. Better check what's wrong. Nothing, of course, except that sir disagrees with me putting him in the playpen. Quickly back upstairs, because number 2 is also crawling around there. Luckily, this one is sweetly smiling at himself in the mirror. Hurry up and get dressed (those eyelash extensions are a godsend!). Alright, we're ready, quickly downstairs to make a sandwich for my eldest daughter who has now woken up.

By the end of the morning, after dealing with 30,000 dirty diapers

I look forward to the moment when they all sleep at the same time. No more dirty diapers, no spit-up on my clean shirt, and some time for myself. Drinking my cup of tea while it's still warm. Then the eldest comes by singing her songs about poop, penises, and pee. Brigitte Kaandorp has nothing on her with her song about pooping. Time to make lunch. While being loudly cheered on by two hungry little faces, I feel the pressure to keep spreading. Meanwhile, I call out about a hundred times to my eldest that she can't sit on her brother and sister. I decide to set everything on the table in advance. My son has figured out how to climb out of the chair and is secured with an extra harness. When I'm finally ready and we're all sitting at the table, I smell something strange. Shit, the eggs are boiling without water. Pregnancy brain. That must be it. Especially when it happens again a week later. Quickly eat something and then we start the ritual of putting them all to bed.

So, they're all lying down. A bit of whining here and there, but they'll give up soon. Mom wins. Just quickly run the vacuum cleaner, take down the laundry, and hop on the couch. The rest of the mess can wait until tomorrow, or the day after, or not at all. Letting go is something you learn with twins. Time to turn on Netflix and put my feet up... No, wait, number 1 has turned on his siren again. Another poop. Better change him quickly before number 2 wakes up from the screaming. Okay, attempt two at relaxation. Darn, more whining. Quickly upstairs, a pat on the head and turn on some music. We've had our daily exercise. Unfortunately, it doesn't help. The whining is now definitely louder than the TV. Time for action. Mom doesn't win after all. Here we are again: No, don't touch that plant, don't put the remote in your mouth, and definitely don't eat your sister's candy. Sigh... numbers 2 and 3 have also made their presence known. I watch the hours on the clock until dad finally comes home. It takes so long! I'm going to try to cook. They need to bathe later, so I want to eat in good time. But how on earth do I do that when all three are crying? I can't even call it crying at this point. I don't know where to start and I decide to cry along and want to sit in a corner. Maybe it'll make an impression. No, unfortunately not. Six little eyes look at me very surprised, but it doesn't last longer than two seconds. After that, the local air raid siren continues to wail. Swallow the tears and carry on. Okay, what was I thinking when I decided I wanted kids. And that twins would be fun. How can I make time for myself, my relationship, my friends, alongside this life? I don't know. But it's fine. I don't need it right now. It's about survival at the moment and I'm coming to terms with it. There will come a time, and I know it will come quickly, when I wave them off to school. When I come home and think: "What am I supposed to do now?"

So, such a small yet poignant remark makes you realize once again that you indeed have gold in your hands. And that all the hard work is worth it. Double the trouble is absolutely true, but twice the fun even more so. Twice as much love. Twice as many smiles, kisses, and hugs. I would never want it any other way. My greatest wish has come true. I don't feel sorry for myself. Desperate on some days is a better word. But above all, I feel privileged to have been able to have two children at the same time.

So let's greet each other more often with a smile. Give each other that pat on the back and say that we're doing well. Because that's what every mom needs. Yes, you too!

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