Just a candid blog: “I'd rather throw the laundry down the stairs from the top”
You know how it is
You look around and every mother in the schoolyard seems perfect at times. Always neatly dressed, with makeup on, and even the high heels under the suit jacket don't seem to hurt. Waking up at 6 am to fill all the lunch boxes with cute heart-shaped sandwiches and personalized notes. This is not me, REALITY CHECK! I'm often in a hurry in the morning, almost never wear makeup (ok, I'm working on that) and Dr. Martens are my favorite boots that walk me through life. I'm all for messy hair, don’t care and voila, two slices of bread with a slice of cheese in between, cherry tomatoes for fun, and the lunchbox is ready! Rushed and sometimes still recovering from a hectic morning of dressing, breakfast, and 'which-side-of-the-bed-did-we-get-up-on' issues, I can sometimes really think: POOF. And then the day has only just begun! When you look in the mirror and think: “How does another mother manage this?” Am I the only one wondering: “How on earth!?”
With some parents, everything seems to go perfectly
In a small restaurant, the children sit neatly at the table. They never run away when queuing at the cash register of the local supermarket. Once they're done playing at a playground, they walk home nicely. I always wonder: “Once that front door closes, is everything still picture perfect?” Doing crafts at the kitchen table, baking cookies, ready with tea when the children come home from school. Clay or paint on the walls? “Oh, what does it matter! They've been so wonderfully creative!” A smile from the mother, but is there sometimes a tear hidden behind it? Can a mother always switch gears after a harsh word and think: ‘She didn't mean it personally?’ That mom keeps running into the same issues over and over again and can always think it must be for a good cause? That the day is filled with mountains of laundry, housework, groceries, and that she serves the plates with a smile around dinner time. With pleasure, mom listens to the complaints about what's not right with the food she tried so hard to prepare. That she then walks to the trash can for the umpteenth time and deposits the entire meal with the thought: “At least they took bites appropriate for their age. Well done!”
I sometimes wonder if behind every smile of these happy mothers everything at home is always perfect. Do they also sometimes shed a tear of helplessness or feel that it's too much for them? I think I secretly know the answer to that question. I believe that as mothers, we all experience that at times. That it's sometimes too much for everyone and that as a parent you would just want to run away and slam the door shut. To sit ALONE for a moment and enjoy a huge glass of wine. I would sometimes like to throw the entire laundry basket from upstairs to downstairs and shout: “Figure it out yourself!“. Or toss all the laundry around the room and leave it there, then think: 'See, this is what it feels like when there's a mess around you!' But hey, who am I kidding! It doesn't do much for me and besides, I would probably have to clean it all up myself. I dare to admit that it sometimes gets too much for me as a mother. That's why I always honestly say this when someone asks me how I'm doing. Creating relatability. Wonderful! To spar with other mothers about what's not going so well just to see where you can achieve something together and come up with a solution.
I AM GUILTY!
Yes! I do sometimes lose my cool. Yes! I'm not always pedagogically sound with certain actions and statements. Yes! Even behind my smile there's sometimes a tear. Not everything is perfect and it can't be, what's more, it doesn't have to be. You do your best and your child thinks you're the sweetest mom in the world. This knowledge comes closest to my perception of perfect. Often I can worry endlessly about how I can change a situation or how I can solve it. But then the thought also creeps in that this is it. Putting out fires is part of it. Guiding our children and showing them the way through life is something every family does. The fact remains that behind every front door there's a unique story with laughter and tears. Is the grass always greener on the other side? I find the grass in my own little garden the most beautiful...
IRIS
