I was startled: As soon as the tip of the test could smell the first drop of urine, a plus sign appeared immediately

Perhaps for weeks I really wasn't myself

A lot of bizarre complaints. In hindsight, I couldn't quite remember how long it had been. I couldn't place this feeling at all! It had never occurred to me that I could be pregnant. I was the type who faithfully took her pill at 8:00 PM sharp, every evening! It was like Netflix & Chill, but with 'Goede Tijden, Slechte Tijden' and the pill! I had an extra pack in my wallet and in my toiletry bag. Wherever I was, I could take my pill at 8:00 PM. Anyway, the moment had come, I was days late. And what do you do when you're days late and it's not supposed to happen? You worry, more and more, and eventually, you decide to take a test. In my case, still firmly convinced that I couldn't be pregnant. It simply couldn't be! On the contrary! I assumed that I was just worrying too much and that my period was delayed due to stress. I thought if I now see that I'm not pregnant, I'll probably just get my period tomorrow...

That afternoon, I secretly bought a pregnancy test

It's quite a task to do this unnoticed in the village where everyone knows you. Like a teenager buying condoms, I walked through the store. But I succeeded. No acquaintances and a pregnancy test hidden deep in my bag. Now the goal was to get through the afternoon as quickly as possible and take the test at home.

“Hurry up, Diem, jump now!”, I thought

I was at home, Scott was still at work, but I didn't think twice about waiting for him. I snatched the test from my bag and dashed into the bathroom. SHIT! As soon as the end of the test could smell the first drop of urine, a plus sign appeared immediately. DIRECT! "Doesn't this take a few minutes?", I wondered aloud. Pacing, I walked through our little house. But no, nothing changed. Not after one minute, not after two. I hadn't waited for Scott to come home. I just wanted to rule it out. And now... Now I was pregnant!

Scott opened the front door around 11:00 PM

Around the corner, I sat with eyes even puffier than those of a frog, amidst a sea of tissue wads filled with tears and snot. I had a total blackout and could only cry. Despite being certain that I wanted children and very sure I wanted them with Scott, I was in total shock. Not now, right? As upset as I was, Scott remained calm. We decided to look at this together, think about it, and make an appointment with the doctor. In bed, we looked at some options together. One of them turned out to be abortion. This option hit us like a bombshell. For me, but definitely for Scott too. It was a restless night.

The following morning began just like any other day

As blurry as I was, the sun shone brightly on my head as I stood at the entrance of the store where I worked. I had been standing there for a while with my key in my hand and my frog eyes well intact, just like my blackout mode. What was I supposed to say to my team? They would immediately notice that something was not okay with me. I decided to tell them to let me be for a while and that I would explain my absent presence later. All morning I could think of nothing else. “How did this happen? What now? Why now?” It kept going in my head. My dear team just let me do my thing and I was fumbling around in the store when suddenly a tall, slender lady stood behind me. Very slender. Too slender! Her skin was yellowish and she seemed weak. This was confirmed by her question. The lady got straight to the point, bravely but with difficulty. She had cancer. Her legs were covered in sores. She had lost so much weight. She needed new pants no matter what. In the previous store, they had refused to help her. I looked past her through the store to the entrance to see if anyone was coming to support her in this step. But the lady was alone... I didn't hesitate for a moment. I placed the lady at the entrance of a fitting room where she could sit quietly and I went looking for comfortable pants that were soft and narrow. Meanwhile, we chatted about trivial things. We both needed this the most, I guess. For the first time since the test, my thoughts had a different focus. My mind was completely overshadowed by this great force of nature that suddenly stood next to me in a vulnerable body. When I handed her the pants and moved her further into the booth, she asked me softly if I could help her. She couldn't do it herself. I closed the curtain and took a deep breath without the lady noticing. I knew this was going to be intense. As the first pair of pants went on, her legs were revealed. “Stay calm, Diem. This lady must have had so much courage to come here. Stay calm! Make this moment a celebration for this woman.”, I thought. And I succeeded. The lady had left the store with a smile on her face and nice new pants. I walked to the back. Everything came together. My tears flowed again. But this time with a completely different charge. With my hands on my stomach, I felt guilty to the deepest part of my bones! That we had even considered the option of abortion for a second! My answer to my inner dilemma was right in front of me. A woman who would so intensely like to live. And no longer gets that chance!

Six o'clock. I have closed the shop

I walked back home at a faster pace than usual. Up the stairs to our front door. Scott would already be home. I opened the door. Scott was standing in the hallway and looked at me. I walked up to him and said just: “I've figured it out. We can do this!” To which he whispered in my ear: “I was about to say the exact same thing”

DIMITRA