November 6, 2019, 36 weeks and 4 days pregnant

It was 3 a.m. I went to bed at 10 p.m., but I was awake with excruciating pelvic pain. I couldn't stay in bed or sit on a chair. Leaning over the kitchen island didn't feel good either. I had been walking around for hours and had tried everything, but the nagging feeling wouldn't go away. I turned on the TV and lay down at full length on the couch. I started to wonder if our son had felt anything during those five hours. 'No,' was my conclusion. I had some cola and ate a sandwich with chocolate spread. Some people claim that it makes the baby active. Although our baby normally didn't need it, he was always an active baby. Not now. I felt nothing. No hiccups, no kicks, no pushing or pulling. Absolutely nothing.

A quarter of an hour after taking the sugars, I didn't feel anything yet

My friend had meanwhile gotten up to work and I expressed my concern. "He will surely move soon," my friend reassured me. When he left for work, I lay down on my right side on the couch. I pressed my fingertips into my belly. I almost wanted to push them all the way through, but still, there was no reaction. I tried my left side and pushed my fingers from my right hand hard into my belly. Nothing.

I was just focused on those hellish pains in my pelvis all those hours

Five whole hours without even a little kick! That wasn't like him. Panic. I was in panic. I felt something was wrong. It felt different. My maternal instinct was speaking. I rushed upstairs to shower while texting my sister and friend. “The baby is dead. He's not moving. Not even after a sandwich with chocolate spread and drinking cola.” They happened to be together, organizing my baby shower. “Don't panic. Towards the end, your little baby moves less due to lack of space,” they responded. Followed by: “I'll call you right away.”

“Come on little one, just one kick is enough to reassure mommy,” I pleaded in the shower

I pressed my fingers into my belly again. Nothing. Still nothing. Once I was dressed, I notified my friend that I was leaving for the hospital. He would come to the hospital directly from work. On the way, I was focused on my belly. I kept thinking: "Did I miss a little kick?" While I was on a hands-free call with my girlfriend in the car, I felt my belly completely change. My belly became soft and I could push dents into it. It was as if the baby was no longer there. Suddenly, I no longer felt pregnant. With tears in my eyes, severe pelvic pain, and a 'dead' feeling in my belly, I floored the accelerator and rushed to the hospital. I let my friend know not to wait for him, in case he wasn't there yet.

In the waiting room, I remained focused on my stomach

"Come on baby," I whispered, "just a little kick." My partner arrived at the hospital. The door to the gynecologist's office opened and I went in crying. "How are you?" asked the gynecologist. I immediately said that I hadn't felt our baby since last night at 10 p.m. and that I was experiencing severe pelvic pain. I was allowed to sit down right away. "Here's the heartbeat. It's nice, regular, and at a good pace." He pressed hard against my belly several times with the ultrasound device. His little arm was raised and there was no movement. He examined everything thoroughly. I was so relieved that the heart was beating. "Yes, the heart is beating nicely," the gynecologist concluded, "if you still don't feel any movement today, come back immediately! Now I'm going to send you to obstetrics, where they will monitor the baby for another half hour." I thanked the gynecologist and we walked towards the maternity ward. "If you want, you can go back to work," I told my partner. "It's just the monitor," I added. He waited until I was inside and then went back to his work.

The midwife read the prescription from the gynecologist aloud

‘Reduced fetal movement’. I immediately felt cold again. I still haven’t felt it. He turned on the monitor and explained everything. All the buttons and symbols were thoroughly named. I felt quite reassured. “Here you see the curve of the heartbeat. Have you been on the monitor before?”, he asked. “No. It’s the first time”, I replied. “We have nothing to compare it with, of course, but I think the curve doesn’t look completely normal. The curve is not variable enough. Since when do you have that rash on your belly?” Oh yes, I had completely forgotten about that rash in my panic! “Since yesterday morning, but at that time it was just three spots.”

I had just put our winter down comforter on our bed and thought I had sweated

I meant to show it to the gynecologist, but in my panic, I had forgotten. “Now there are definitely more than three dots.” He checked my back, arms, and legs, and in that time, I had gotten red dots everywhere. I definitely didn't have these this morning. “I'll call the doctor,” said the gynecologist. He called the physician while standing next to me and continued to watch the monitor screen. After hanging up, he took a black button next to the chair. “Whenever you feel a kick or movement from your baby, press this. It records everything, and then we can monitor it better. We're going to let you lie here for an hour, just to make sure everything is okay.” He looked at me. “I won't feel it, you know! I still haven't felt it and I won't feel it! I'm sure of it!”, I said.

He said that they examined everything thoroughly and then left the room for a moment

I texted a few girlfriends that I was hooked up to the monitor and that things didn't look too good. Before I could send my text, he came back in, along with another nurse. "I'm going to measure the circumference and length of your lower legs," she said. While someone else took my arm to insert an IV. "Where does your boyfriend work?", they asked. "About half an hour from here. Should he come?", I asked. "Yes, he should hurry." I still didn't know what was going on. I called my boyfriend and ordered him to come back immediately. "What's going to happen now?", I asked. "The doctor will explain everything clearly in a moment, but we're proceeding with an emergency cesarean section." There you have it.

My friend rushed to the hospital immediately

I was still in the monitoring room and after they placed the IV, they took me to a delivery room to sort out some paperwork regarding anesthesia, admission, and whether to breastfeed or bottle-feed. The assistant gynecologist came in, followed by the gynecologist. “It's quite a shock, isn't it? We need to deliver your son because we suspect he has anemia. We don't know the cause, but we do know that we need to deliver him now and that he will be immediately transferred to another hospital after birth, where they can keep babies under anesthesia. We are not specialized in that here. The hospital has been informed and as soon as we start the cesarean section, they will leave to pick him up.”

He reassured me, but I still didn't realize what was happening

I just let it happen. I didn't feel any stress, panic, or worries. I was so tired from the lack of sleep and the panic from last night and this morning, that all of this now felt like a relief. The pediatrician also came to introduce herself. She would take care of our baby after the birth. I don't remember everything she said. I only remember these words: “It might take two minutes before you hear your baby cry later.” She didn't say why, but I knew that they probably had to resuscitate him.

EDITH