Fabienne: “From two lines on the test to two beating hearts”

We really wanted a child. Philip and I had talked about it often. What we would name it, whether it would look like him or me, and how we would decorate the room. Every month when my period came, it was a small disappointment. But after five months of trying, my period suddenly stopped.

My heart was pounding in my throat

I still remember not knowing what to do that morning. My heart was pounding in my throat as I took the pregnancy test out of the package with trembling hands. Philip stood beside me, his hand reassuringly on my shoulder. Shall I watch with you? he asked softly. I nodded. Together we waited for the result. The timer on my phone ticked down slowly. Five minutes. It felt like fifty.

The tears streamed down my cheeks

When the timer went off, I didn't dare to turn the test over. I can't do it, I whispered. Philip took the test from my hands without hesitation. He looked at it for a moment, blinked, and said: Look, there are two! Does this mean..? He couldn't finish his sentence, because tears were already streaming down my cheeks. Yes, I managed to say. We cried tears of joy and hugged each other tightly.

Every morning I looked at my stomach, hoping to see something

The weeks leading up to the first ultrasound felt like an eternity. I was nervous, but also incredibly happy. Every morning I would look at my stomach, hoping to see something. But of course, there was nothing there yet. Philip teased me about it. Give it time, Fabienne. It doesn't grow overnight! I playfully hit him on the arm, but somewhere he was right. Patience was never my strong suit.

It felt like I was on a roller coaster

Finally, the time had come. The appointment with the midwife was scheduled. We were a bit early, so we had to sit in the waiting room for a while. My hands were clammy, my stomach felt like I was on a roller coaster. Philip squeezed my hand. It will be alright, darling, he said reassuringly. But I could see that he was nervous too.

I felt a wave of relief and happiness

Fabienne? I heard a voice. It was the midwife. She introduced herself, asked how I was feeling, and led us to the room where the ultrasound would be done. Just to be clear, we're going to do an internal ultrasound, she explained. That way we can see better. I nodded, feeling a slight tension in my body, but focused on the monitor. Look, she said after a few seconds. Here is a beating heart. I felt a wave of relief and happiness. Philip looked at me with tears in his eyes. We saw our baby! Or well, a tiny dot that apparently would become a baby.

Just checking if it's really one

The midwife moved the ultrasound probe back and forth. "Just checking to make sure it's really just one," she muttered. Philip and I had to laugh. "We'll have our hands full with just one," he teased.

“Well, I definitely see two beating hearts here”

The midwife suddenly looked at us more seriously. “Well,” she began. “I do see two beating hearts here.” There was a moment of silence. “Two?” I repeated, as if I hadn't heard correctly. She turned the screen towards us a bit more and pointed. “Look, here is one heart, and here is the other.” Pepijn and I looked at each other. His eyes were wide with astonishment. “We're having twins?” he asked softly.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry

“It certainly looks like it,” said the midwife with a smile. “Two…” I whispered. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. My head was spinning with thoughts. Two babies. Two cribs. Two of everything. Once we were outside, we looked at each other and started laughing at the same time. “How on earth are we going to do this?” Pepijn asked, running his hand through his hair. “No idea,” I said, “but it will surely be alright.”

FABIENNE