Jill: "What a mess, my little daughter keeps screaming for a pacifier"

From day one, Fenna and her pacifier were inseparable. I remember feeling relieved at first. A crying baby who immediately calmed down as soon as she got her pacifier? I thought it was a godsend. Freek and I even joked about it: “Maybe she'll keep that pacifier until her wedding day!” But now, four years later, that joke suddenly feels a lot less funny.

As if the world would end without a pacifier

Fenna is now four years old and attends elementary school. During the day, she manages well; she can do without her pacifier just fine. But as soon as she gets home, the whining starts. “Mommy, can I have my pacifier? Pleeease?” She knows exactly how to play it, with those big eyes and that pouty lip. And when I say ‘no’, the drama erupts. Crying, screaming, rolling on the floor. As if the world is ending. And believe me, we really try to stand our ground.

“Give it 3 days, then she'll be used to it”

We tried everything. When Fenna was 2.5 years old, we decided to allow the pacifier only during sleep. I had read that tapering off works best, and besides, my mother-in-law had an opinion about it too. “Oh, just give it three days,” she said. “She'll be used to it by then.”

She kept screaming for her pacifier

Well, not really. Three days full of drama, tears, and broken nights. Fenna stood her ground. She just kept screaming for her pacifier, night and day. The result? Freek and I were exhausted, and after three days we threw in the towel. “Just let her have her pacifier again,” Freek sighed. And so it went on and on.

Nice try, mom

Six months later, we made another attempt. This time we tried it with a trade trick: Fenna could hand in her pacifier in exchange for a gift. Together with her, we picked out a beautiful doll in the toy store. Fenna was totally excited. She handed over her pacifier obediently, and I felt so proud. That feeling lasted exactly two days. Then she started asking for it again. “Mom, I want my pacifier back. This doll is dumb.” And before we knew it, the pacifier was back in her mouth.

Where does it go wrong?

Another time we tried a little book about saying goodbye to the pacifier. You know the type, those adorable children's books where the pacifier goes to the pacifier fairy. Fenna liked the book, but when I mentioned the word “goodbye,” she started to cry. “I don't want to say goodbye!” she exclaimed. That night I put her to bed with her pacifier, wondering where things went wrong.

During the day it goes well, but in the evening the nagging begins

When Faye started primary school, things had to change. "You're a big girl now," I told her. "Big girls don't use pacifiers during the day." That worked surprisingly well. She leaves the pacifier alone during the day, but in the evening, the nagging starts. As soon as we get home, she asks for it. I try to distract her with toys, TV, or a game, but she insists. And honestly? Sometimes I just give in. It's easier than fighting all evening.

Sleeping without a pacifier? No way

The biggest problem is sleeping. Fenna refuses to go to bed without a pacifier. “Mom, I can't sleep without a pacifier,” she says. As soon as I try, she tosses and turns and cries for hours. Eventually, Freek and I give up. “It's not ideal,” says Freek, “but she will outgrow it eventually.” But when? When she's ten?

Time to call for help

Meanwhile, the consequences are starting to become visible. At the dentist, I was told that Faye's teeth are deteriorating because of that pacifier. "It can cause permanent damage," said the dentist sternly. That was the last straw for me. This can't go on any longer. We've decided to seek help. We found a child coach who will hopefully be the key to success.

I am so done with that pacifier

It feels like we're starting a final battle. I really want Faye to be able to say goodbye to her pacifier, but I also don't want her to feel sad or insecure. It remains a balance between what's good for her and what's achievable. I hope this help will finally get us further. Because honestly? I'm so incredibly done with it.

JILL