Birgit: “In the supermarket I was suddenly confronted about the way I was treating my little boy”

Last week, as I do every week, I did my grocery shopping at the supermarket

Benjamin, my 15‑month‑old son, was happily sitting in the shopping cart. As always, I started with a bag of whole-wheat rolls, because I needed those every week anyway. While I was holding the bag in my hand, I broke off a roll for Benjamin. I pretty much always do that. If he has something to eat, he stays calm and I can take my time going through the store without him getting impatient or starting to cry.

I was just looking for my shopping list on my phone while I was walking toward the bread section when it happened

A woman, a complete stranger, suddenly tapped me on the shoulder. She looked at me sternly. “Do you realize you have to pay before you can eat anything? You’re a bad example for your child.” The tone of her voice was sharp and full of judgment. I was stunned.

In a fraction of a second, I felt my heart start to beat faster

A thousand things came to mind at once. Why was this woman just talking to me out of the blue? Who did she think she was? I looked at Benjamin, who was contentedly sucking on his sandwich, completely unaware of the little drama that was unfolding at that very moment.

“Uh… excuse me?” I blurted out

I didn’t really know what to say. Her eyes bored into mine, full of disapproval. “You’re not supposed to give your child food before you’ve paid for it, are you? What kind of example are you setting like that?”

I felt my cheeks flush red as irritation bubbled up inside me

It had never really occurred to me that this could be ‘wrong’. In my eyes it was just something practical: I gave Benjamin a little scoop so he would stay calm while we did the shopping. And of course I would just pay for it at the end. It wasn’t as if I was trying to steal anything.

“I always pay properly for my groceries,” I said, hoping that this would end the conversation

But she didn’t seem intent on leaving it at that. “That may be so,” she replied, “but children learn from what they see. If you think it’s normal to just take something without paying, then he’ll learn that too.” She nodded toward Benjamin as if she wanted to emphasize how serious the situation was.

At that moment I felt the irritation growing inside me

Who was she to tell me how to raise my child? I am a good mother and I know what I’m doing. But somewhere inside I also felt insecure. Maybe she did have a bit of a point? Was what I was doing really that bad? Meanwhile, Benjamin looked at me with his big eyes, innocent and cheerful. Thankfully, he didn’t understand anything about the situation.

I didn’t want to end up in an argument in the middle of the supermarket

I tried to pull myself together and stay calm. “I’m sorry if this bothers you,” I said calmly. “But I always do this, and I pay for it in the end. I just find it more important that my little boy stays calm while we do the shopping.”

The woman kept looking at me

“That may be so, but rules are rules,” she said before walking away. I was left behind with a mix of anger and confusion. What had just happened? As I continued walking through the supermarket, I noticed that the incident kept running through my mind. My mood had completely shifted. I suddenly felt watched, as if everyone in the store was staring at me and wondering what kind of mother I was.

I tried to calm myself while I finished the rest of the shopping

I knew I shouldn’t take this too seriously, but it kept nagging at the back of my mind. I almost felt like a criminal. When I got to the checkout, I put the bag of brown rolls on the conveyor belt and let the cashier scan everything. She smiled kindly at Benjamin, who was still happily nibbling on his roll.

"Good afternoon," she said kindly.

I gave her a faint smile in return and nodded. As I paid and put my groceries into the bags, I could feel the woman’s eyes boring into my back again. The whole way home I kept thinking about her words.

Once home, I put Benjamin in his chair and started unpacking my groceries

The incident kept running through my mind. Why did it affect me so much? Why did I feel so attacked? While I was feeding Benjamin, I realized it wasn’t just about that woman. Her comments had touched something in me, something I was apparently insecure about myself. As a mother, I always felt pressure to do everything right, and remarks like that pressed exactly on that sensitive spot.

After dinner I put Benjamin on the couch and stared at the bag of brown rolls.

Was what I did really so wrong? I took a deep breath and decided I wouldn’t let it control me any longer. I knew my intentions. I took good care of my child, and a small roll before I paid didn’t make me a bad mother.

But still, the situation had affected me

It showed me how quickly someone can judge you without understanding the whole situation. And how quickly that judgment can make you, as a mother, start doubting yourself. Since then I’ve decided I won’t let myself be influenced so easily by the ‘mom mafia’ anymore. Ugh. I’m a mother who’s trying to keep her child calm while doing the shopping. And that’s hard enough as it is.

BIRGIT