Lot: “I really couldn't believe it, there were lies being spread about our family”

I always thought we were a normal family

Just like everyone else. But apparently not everyone saw it that way. It all started one day when Ilona came home from school, with a look in her eyes that I didn't recognize. She was quiet, her cheerful chatter gone. “How was school, sweetheart?” I asked as I hung up her coat. She shrugged. “Fine, I guess.”

I knew immediately that something was not right

"What's going on?" I pressed. She looked down at her feet and mumbled something inaudible. "What did you say?" I asked louder. "Rose's mother said you are lazy and don't work," she whispered. I felt a sting. "Who said that?". Anger started to flare up inside me. "Rose said it, but her mother had said it at home." I tried to stay calm. "That's not true, sweetheart. Mommy works very hard. You know that, right?" Ilona nodded, but I could see it bothered her. And to be honest, it bothered me too. Why would other parents say such a thing? What did they know about us? I worked part-time, in a bookstore, so I could spend a lot of time with Ilona.

The next day I took Ilona to school

While I was giving her the backpack, I saw a few mothers standing by the gate. They looked my way, whispered to each other, and giggled as I walked past. My cheeks were glowing. Was this what Ilona was talking about? Were they the ones saying such things about us?

It didn't stop with that one remark

Unfortunately. A few weeks later, Ilona came home sad again. "Mom, why do people say we are poor?" she asked with tears in her eyes. I was dumbfounded. "Who says that?" I couldn't stand this injustice. "The teacher heard it from another mother," said Rose. "That we don't have money and that's why I never go on school trips." Ilona was standing there. Apparently, the teacher had then taken Ilona aside, to say that it's all not a big deal and that these are all private matters.

I was breathless

Literally. Ilona indeed hadn't joined the school trip last year, but that was because she was sick. What did that have to do with money? Soon the whole school would know. That evening, when Ilona was in bed, I sat on the couch with Cor. “They're talking about us,” I said softly. “About me, about our family.” He frowned. “Who? What are you talking about?” He hadn't noticed at all. He never paid attention to other people at school. “The mothers at school. They say I'm lazy, that we're poor. What do they think?”

Cor shook his head

“You shouldn't pay attention to that, Lot. People always gossip.” He didn't care. That much was clear. But that was easier said than done. For me, anyway. The next morning, when I took Ilona to school, I felt the stares again. Two mothers stopped talking abruptly as I walked past them. One of them, a woman with short blonde hair, gave me a dirty look and then turned away.

I decided to discuss it with the teacher later that week

“I want to share something with you,” I began cautiously during the ten-minute parent-teacher meeting. “Ilona comes home with stories... stories that don't add up. About our family.” The teacher nodded understandingly. She clearly knew all about it. “I've heard things too, Mrs.,” she said. “But I try not to listen to that. I look at Ilona and how she's doing here. And she's doing very well.” Although her words were meant to be reassuring, I felt anything but reassured. So even the teacher knew about the gossip?

One day I heard what was really being said

I was waiting at the school gate when I overheard a couple of mothers talking softly. “... always second-hand clothes,” one of them said. “I know,” the other replied. “And I don't think she even works. That poor girl.” I felt my hands shaking with anger. They were talking about us. About my daughter, about me. I wanted to walk over, confront them, but I was rooted to the spot. What was I supposed to say? What could I do?

At home, I burst into tears

Cor tried to comfort me, but it didn't help. I felt so powerless. How could I stop this? How could I ensure that Ilona was no longer the target of gossip? The situation only got worse. At the annual school party, I heard it was said that Cor and I were constantly arguing. That we would probably break up.

“Who comes up with this?” I exclaimed when another mother cautiously told me this

“We have absolutely no problems! Why do people do this?” She shrugged. “People enjoy talking about others. It gives them something to occupy themselves with.” But this wasn't about an innocent joke or a little gossip. This was about my family. About my daughter, who had to hear these lies in a place where she should feel safe.

I decided that I had to do something

But what? Was I supposed to address the mothers? Send a message in the class app? In the end, I decided to keep it to myself. For now. But every time I took Ilona to school, it didn't feel right. What would they say now? What stories were circulating now?

Ilona seems to be able to shake it off a bit easier now

But I know she feels everything. I know she hears everything. I still don't understand. Why us? We're not a special family. Rather ordinary. Why do people do this? It eats away at me. Every day a little more.

LOT