Lucy: "I didn't know I wasn't allowed to eat this during my pregnancy"

As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I changed my ways immediately. Everything for my baby. No more carpaccio, steak tartare, or beefsteak. No risks. I couldn't bear the thought of something happening because of something I ate. My mother thought it was all nonsense. “In our time, all that was fine and everything turned out well.” Yes, mom, but in your time people also smoked in the car with the windows up. Now we know better.

“An Italian roll with cervelat, please!”

At seven months pregnant, I had arranged to meet with Hanne, a friend who was also expecting. We were going to have a cozy lunch at a new place in the neighborhood. "What are you having?", Hanne said as she scrutinized the menu from top to bottom. Those pancakes with red fruit looked good to me, but I was really in the mood for something savory. "I'll have the Italian roll with cervelat", I exclaimed. Hanne looked at me with wide eyes. "But you're not supposed to have that, are you?" I looked at her questioningly. "What do you mean?!" "Well, cervelat is still partly raw..."

How could I not know this?

My heart skipped a beat. You can't be serious. My stomach turned as I thought about all those sandwiches with cervelat sausage I ate almost daily. How could I not know this? Why had no one told me? Hanne saw my panic and tried to calm me down. “Maybe it's not that bad?” I was mortified. What must she think of me.. With a heavy heart, I ordered the pancakes with red fruit anyway, but really my appetite was gone and I just wanted to go home. Once home, I couldn't think of anything else. Were there more things I was unaware of?

How could I have been so inattentive?

That evening I went wild on Google. The half bag of chocolate pepernoten I ate last week? Apparently not such a good idea either. And that delicious apple pie with extra cinnamon I had at my mother-in-law's recently? Better not. My head was spinning. How could I have been so careless? I thought I was doing everything to protect my baby.. Well, apparently not.

Had I put my baby in danger?

The next morning, I called the midwife in a panic. I had to know. Had I put my baby at risk? My hands were shaking as I waited for her to answer. I was almost too afraid to tell her. Fortunately, she reassured me. “Don't worry immediately. It doesn't have immediate consequences for your baby. However, it might be good to be a bit more cautious in the coming time, but don't feel guilty. The guidelines get stricter every year. Don't blame yourself, I hear this weekly.”

Why had nobody told me this before?

I let out a deep sigh. Okay, breathe in, breathe out. Just a few more months to go. I threw the rest of my cervelat sausage in the trash and decided that from now on I would really pay more attention. But seriously, why had no one told me this before? I felt so stupid.

I started inspecting all the packaging

The rest of the day I felt restless. As if I was constantly checking to make sure I hadn't eaten any other 'forbidden' things. I began to inspect all the packaging in my kitchen cabinets. Was that cheese I had last week actually pasteurized? And what about the sushi I ate before I knew I was pregnant? I could already see myself sitting at the midwife's, confessing that I had unwittingly created a ticking time bomb in my belly. I wanted to say sorry a hundred times to the baby inside me.

“We just ate everything, and look how you turned out.”

Once Luca started kicking, I felt a wave of relief. Okay, he was still there. And he was active. But the doubt remained. I called my mother again, who sighed once more. “Sweetheart, you worry way too much. We just ate everything, and look how you turned out. Nowadays they are so strict and you can't have anything anymore.”

Maybe I should drive myself a little less crazy

I knew she meant well, but it didn't make things any easier. I was responsible for this little person and I wanted to do everything perfectly. This felt like failure. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw dark circles under my eyes. Stress couldn't be good either, right? Maybe I should cut myself some slack. But first, I need to google whether those licorice sweets from this morning were actually okay to have…

LUCY