Monica: "I fainted and my maternity nurse exclaimed: what now?"
I had a very fast and extremely intense home birth, and my husband was the only one present. Once the midwife arrived, the maternity nurse also entered. The first thing I thought was: “No, not this maternity nurse…” Why? I knew this maternity nurse from the previous postnatal week. The first introduction to her was, to put it mildly, peculiar.
She was sent away from her previous family
At the moment she introduced herself, she immediately mentioned that she had been dismissed from her previous family. She had, after all, kindly told the new mother that she really shouldn't clip the baby's nails. That's why she was dismissed, she said. Then she mentioned that she was still in training. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I had asked for someone with experience. I really wanted to breastfeed and I wanted experienced help with that.
Within two minutes, she told her entire life story
Well, there I was, lying in bed. Just given birth. To me, it felt like a battlefield. Within two minutes, the maternity nurse told me she was now divorced and that it was all very intense. She had a new car and was really happy with it. All I could think was: I couldn't care less. I've just given birth and need to process what my husband and I have been through. We were still in shock, actually.
Our daughter had a low temperature
It was time to weigh the little one. This was all very awkward. Our daughter had been lying in a room that was far too cold for a long time. As a result, she had a low temperature. The midwife suggested to cuddle skin-to-skin for an hour. The maternity nurse helped me and placed my daughter on me and wrapped me up well.
The maternity nurse decided to lie down on the couch for a while, the cleaning could wait until later
The maternity nurse asked if I wanted something to eat. I hadn't eaten for a while so it might be a good idea. I just wasn't hungry at all so I couldn't think of anything other than some rusks with sprinkles and a banana. It was around 6:00 in the morning. Because of the skin-to-skin contact, I didn't eat the rusk and just had the banana. The maternity nurse said she would lie down on the couch for a bit. My husband asked if she could maybe clean up some of the post-birth mess. The placenta and everything was still in our room. She indicated that she would take care of it later.
My husband did the laundry while the maternity nurse was lying on the couch
My husband was still full of adrenaline and couldn't sit still, so he decided to do the laundry while the maternity nurse was lying on the couch. After lying down for an hour with my daughter, she was thankfully back to a good temperature. Meanwhile, I was burning up. She quickly got a diaper on because the maternity nurse hadn't done that yet.
“Can your husband help you or should I do it?”
I felt dirty and clammy, despite the clean mats. I had been lying in the same spot for hours and was desperate for a shower. The maternity nurse asked if my husband could help me or if she needed to do it. I wanted my husband to be able to cuddle with our daughter, so I asked if she could help me.
Suddenly I noticed that I was feeling light-headed
I went to the shower and found the warm water delightful. Finally, I could wash everywhere with a washcloth. I had a shower stool to sit on but I also wanted to thoroughly wash everything. I had come out of the childbirth remarkably well, so that was perfectly fine. So, I sat down and stood up a few times. Suddenly, I noticed that I was feeling light-headed. The maternity nurse saw it and opened the shower door. I had to look at her but I indicated that I was feeling light-headed. The maternity nurse called my husband.
The maternity nurse said to my husband: “What now?”
My husband, of course, didn't realize what was going on, so after the second or third time calling, he came over. He also found it difficult to put our daughter down and leave her. When he saw me, he knew enough. I had no color left in my face. The maternity nurse said to him: 'What now?' My husband took over from her and he tried to keep me awake. He indicated that I should stand up calmly so that I could lie down on the bed. He instructed the maternity nurse to grab some sugar water or a banana or something from downstairs. While standing, I passed out. My husband was just able to hold me.
I thought I was sleeping soundly
Eventually, I came to. What bothers me most is that my husband woke me up. I thought I was sleeping soundly and snapped at him that I had just given birth so he should leave me alone. Then he said, “Look around you.” When I did, I saw that I was still in the shower. “Oh, this is not my bed”
My husband hasn't slept for two days due to worry
The maternity nurse came with a banana and I ate it with much reluctance. With every bite, I felt myself getting better. Color returned to my face and I joked that I really thought I was sleeping soundly. After that, my husband became even more alert and concerned about me and the baby. He ended up practically not sleeping for two days.
I didn't want this at all, but I also didn't have the strength to express it
During the days she was here, this woman shared her entire life story. And it was not a pleasant story. She kept emphasizing that she did not have a good relationship with her mother and sisters, unlike me. I am an educator and I noticed that I slipped into my professional role as soon as the maternity nurse arrived. I didn't want this at all, but I also didn't have the strength to express it. I also wasn't sure if it was appropriate to say something because she otherwise took good care of us.
Even the visitors at the maternity ward had to hear all about her private life
When the first visitors came to see the newborn, the maternity nurse lingered awkwardly long in the room. The visitors also had to listen to everything about her private life. She did not offer any coffee. Only when we asked did she leave the room, make coffee, and prepare rusks with 'muisjes'.
The thought of her having to be with us for another seven days was unbearable to me
Everyone who visited us that day said, “Oh, you have her back, that's terrible for you”. When we also mentioned that I had fainted, pretty much everyone said that I really should have eaten first. This is something our maternity nurse should have pointed out. Then my brother-in-law said, “Why don't you report this to the maternity care agency?” At first, I thought no way, that's so weird. But the thought of having her with us for another seven days was just unbearable.
Then rather a day without maternity care
Eventually, I called and they said that they found it very annoying for me and they would look into what they could do. I got a call and they indicated that they couldn't find anyone else for the next day. However, it was an option that the maternity nurse would only do my check-ups or not come at all. The next day they had found someone else for us. The idea of her coming over again really didn't appeal to me at all. So, we didn't mind having a day with nothing. Fortunately, my mother has been a maternity nurse and she spent the day with us, and what a relief that was.
So in the end, I still had a very nice postnatal period
The next day, another maternity nurse came and this woman was a better match. She saw the work that needed to be done, was incredibly sweet, and she knew what she was talking about. I am so glad that we indicated that it wasn't working out. This way, I still ended up having a very nice maternity period. However, I do find it really unfortunate that things turned out this way. We had actually told the agency beforehand that we did not want this woman. We were told that they would take this into account.
I have provided extensive feedback so that hopefully other women won't have to deal with this
We also heard from another maternity nurse that this maternity aide had been sent away before. I wondered if she ever received the real reason why she had to leave us. Usually, it's said that there was 'no connection'. In the end, I gave very extensive feedback, including examples, and I hope they really did something with it. After all, I wish every woman a pleasant maternity week without feeling uncomfortable because of your maternity nurse.
MONICA
