First read the previous blog: Cynthia: “My daughter told me she was cutting herself, and that turned out to be just the beginning…”

As you could read in the previous part, Bregje wanted to tell us something, there were the words; “I think I have an eating disorder!” There you are as parents, completely shocked and meanwhile trying to stay strong for your daughter! It was later in the day so calling the general practitioner was no longer an option. Dinner time was approaching and again, only a bowl of yogurt was consumed.

We had to 'wait and see''

The next day I called the general practitioner to make an appointment. I got the assistant on the phone and she said she would consult with the doctor. At the beginning of the afternoon, she called back and said we should just wait and see, and that we should call back if she started to lose weight. I couldn't believe what I was hearing and became angry and emotional at the same time. I knew that she had lost even more weight by then and she weighed only 38 kilograms.

Then the first suicidal thoughts surfaced

Eventually, she was allowed to come by on Monday; I had called on Wednesday. The following days were a huge drama, crying every time at meals. That's when the first suicidal thoughts emerged, and by Friday afternoon, it was so severe that I called the doctor again. We didn't know what to do and didn't want to go into the weekend like this. Then she was allowed to come by immediately. She then spoke with the doctor alone for a long time. In the evening and the next day, the doctor called us again. She was on call at the emergency service for the weekend and had also consulted with the on-duty pediatrician. She called to ask how things were and what we should pay attention to over the weekend.

You see your child struggling with everything

Bregje didn't really want to talk to us, we had to leave her alone mostly. That Monday, she went back to the general practitioner, she couldn't do more by then. Eventually, after consulting with the pediatrician, she got a referral to the pediatrician and mental health services. The next day she was able to see the pediatrician for the first time. Severely underweight, low blood sugar but fortunately, she was otherwise somatically stable. A few days later, she had to come back for a blood test and a cardiac examination. She also had an appointment with the dietitian. Those days in between were a huge drama at home, you see your child 'fighting' with everything.

Factsheet (2024) — Anorexia Nervosa & Suicidality in Adolescents

• In the Netherlands, young people sought help for suicidality much more frequently in 2024. In Q3-2024 individuals aged 0–24 had 75% more general practitioner contacts due to suicidal thoughts or attempts than before the pandemic (2019). (RIVM, news release 12-11-2024) RIVM
• The JGZ guideline indicates that annually in the Netherlands approximately 1,300 individuals are newly diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. JGZ guideline Nutrition and eating behavior
• On average, anorexia nervosa in the Netherlands lasts 6 to 7 years before full recovery or a stable situation is achieved, but the risk of relapse is quite high. Mental Health News – Anorexia nervosa, facts & figures
• Approximately 5,600 people in the Netherlands currently have anorexia nervosa. Mental Health News – Anorexia nervosa, facts & figuresggznieuws.nl

‘I'm not that stupid, am I?’

When she went back to the pediatrician, she had to have her blood drawn first, again a much too low sugar level and the rest was stable. The heart examination was also fortunately good. Somatic-wise, she was still stable, thankfully. It was very difficult to see on a curve how seriously underweight she is. But according to Bregje, it's all not so bad, she can still go home and she's not that thin, right? Subsequently, there was also an appointment with the dietitian. Bregje found this appointment very difficult, in her own words: that woman is totally crazy! She was given a starter diet of 1250 calories, which is the amount of calories you need to 'switch on'. Your body needs this to function normally. She no longer had any reserves by then. She said she wasn't going to eat that starter diet, it was too much. But she was coming from just an apple and a bowl of yogurt.

She was so thin, taking a shower was like running a marathon for her

The pediatrician had also made a note in the file, should she refuse to eat and/or drink (fortunately, she always drank), we could immediately call the clinic and outside office hours call the ER and consult with the on-duty pediatrician instead of first contacting the general practitioner or the out-of-hours service. It was that serious, yet somatically stable. For us, it was very difficult to see her like this, so emaciated. No energy for anything, just showering was already too much. Pale, blue lips. The monster of an eating disorder had completely taken over our girl. You feel so powerless, you can't force her to eat because there must also remain a bond of trust between child and parent. You would love to just stuff the food in, but that's not possible. She is stable so hospitalization is not an option, and we now know that hospitalization is very difficult anyway. Mentally, things were getting worse, not knowing that it would become much more challenging mentally! The plan; weekly check-ups with the pediatrician and waiting until she can get into mental health services! We had just heard that the waiting time was 29 weeks! 29 WEEKS!! I couldn't believe what I was hearing..

To be continued..

CYNTHIA

Do you or your child have suicidal thoughts? Talk about it and seek help immediately. Call 113 or 0800-0113 or visit www.113.nl.