Cynthia's daughter has anorexia: “The situation at home was unbearable, but the waiting time for admission is still 29 weeks”
Read part 1 first: Cynthia: “My daughter told me she was cutting herself, and that turned out to be just the beginning...”
Waiting lists in mental health care can sometimes become so long that families nearly collapse under the pressure. This was also the case for our family: our daughter Bregje struggled with anorexia, depression, and self-harm, while we had to wait 29 weeks for an intake interview. Every day revolved around fighting, eating, crying, and desperately calling the pediatrician. Even a holiday in our own country turned into a disaster. Eventually, a call from the pediatrician got things moving – but how long would it take after that before real help started?
A waiting list of 29 weeks
As mentioned in the previous section, the waiting list at the mental health care institution was 29 weeks. And that's just for the initial consultation – after that, you still have to wait for treatment! Meanwhile, Bregje had to see the pediatrician for a check-up every week.
📊 Fact Sheet: Waiting Times & Anorexia (2024/2025)
- Mental health care waiting time far exceeds standard – The Treek standard is max. 14 weeks, but many patients wait much longer. VZinfo
- Eating disorder care often requires a 21–37 week wait – In some regions, waiting times can extend to 37 weeks. Metro News
- High mortality risks – Anorexia is the mental illness with the highest risk of death: 5–10% die from it. BNNVARA/Zembla
- 90% of the patients are female – Each year, about 1,300 new cases are reported. Mental Health Care News
The monster the eating disorder
The eating disorder had completely taken over Bregje. Every mealtime became a major drama.
She needed to have breakfast, a mid-morning snack, lunch, an afternoon snack, dinner, and then a bowl of yogurt or something similar. They were small portions – altogether just about 1250 calories, purely to keep her body functioning.
Yet there were days when she didn't take everything. She felt that she didn't need it and that it wasn't all that bad. Because her stomach had become so small, she experienced severe stomach pain at every meal. Fortunately, she remained somatically stable, but sometimes she had to come in for extra check-ups.
Stock photo via Canva, for illustrative purposes
We were going to go away for a week
Around Christmas, we were planning to go away for a week. But the pediatrician insisted she strictly adhere to her diet. Eventually, Bregje found ingredients that she felt were 'safe'. The same every day, and the products had to come from the same store. Later we learned that this is very common among patients with anorexia.
The vacation that was anything but relaxing
In the days leading up to our week off, she had to go for extra check-ups. We got the green light: we were allowed to go because we were staying in the Netherlands and she didn't have to walk for long.
We were looking forward to it – getting out of the house – and Bregje was also excited. But unfortunately, it turned into a big drama. Her younger brother and sister wanted to do fun things, but Bregje couldn't handle it. When we once did our shopping at a different supermarket, she couldn't bear it. So we kept driving twenty minutes to 'her' supermarket.
Her mental health was deteriorating, and due to her underweight, her immune system was weakened. She also developed a throat infection. Eventually, we went home two days early.
It was unbearable at home
Once home, the 'necessity' of eating disappeared for Bregje. She had been so looking forward to the week away and now said, “I have nothing left. Nothing to look forward to.”
That was very tough for her and for us. Additional checks followed. We insisted on hospitalization because it was no longer manageable at home. But that proved to be incredibly difficult. Admission is often only possible if a patient stops eating entirely. And even then, it's not certain that you'll end up in the right place; sometimes you're placed two hours away from home.
Every day is a struggle
Every day was a struggle: either she ate nothing, or far too little. How were we supposed to keep this up for 29 weeks? Meanwhile, Bregje was also deteriorating mentally. She struggled with depressive feelings and talked about death. She said she had no plans, but she started cutting, scratching, and biting again.
The Youth and Family department of the Mental Health Services was called in, but there was also a waiting list there.
Support from the pediatrician
I often called the pediatrician – sometimes for advice, sometimes because we no longer trusted the situation. We couldn't keep this up any longer. Not only Bregje, but also our family was suffering. After all, we have two younger children who need our attention too. They also noticed that something serious was going on.
The pediatrician quickly realized that things could not continue this way. Fortunately, there was good communication between him and the Mental Health Care Eating Disorders department. He raised the alarm and said that something needed to be done now.
Compulsory education was understanding
Bregje hadn't been going to school for a while – she couldn't muster the physical or mental energy. Fortunately, the school, the municipality, and the truancy officer were understanding. They didn't want to burden her with additional school pressure, so she could focus entirely on recovery. That provided peace of mind.
Finally an intake interview
The call from the pediatrician had an effect. Two weeks later, Bregje finally had her intake appointment at the GGZ Eating Disorders department.
But the question remained: how long would it take before real help began?
CYNTHIA
Do you recognize this? Have you or your children ever experienced a long waiting list? Let us know in the comments!
Also read: My son only eats beige-colored food, this is not a phase, he has the eating disorder ARFID
