Lily (36): "We had an argument on the playground, that's when I heard what she really said about me"

I was already feeling a bit rushed when we got on the bike

At the schoolyard, as always, a group of mothers stood chatting. The group. It felt like high school all over again, but with parents instead of insecure teenagers. We often laughed about the little things, exchanged news, and usually, it was just pleasant. Until that one Thursday.

I was in a hurry, but still tried to smile kindly

Somewhere I felt proud that I had managed to get everything done that day. But then that one sentence fell, and everything changed. It wasn't meant for me to hear, but it happened anyway. I was walking by, and caught it between two parents who were standing a bit further away from me, but still belonged to the group. The rest of the day, it kept lingering in my mind. It was such a small remark, made in passing, but really a stab in the back.

At first, I pretended it didn't affect me

I chuckled along when those parents looked at me, as if I hadn't heard it. I hugged Nova and waved her through the gate. But inside it felt like someone had flipped a switch. Why did she have to say that? It wasn't a joke, it was jabbing with a smile. She said it so accusingly too: "She's always free, because she doesn't work." I decided not to confront her about it directly.

That day I tried to focus on the household chores

My thoughts kept drifting back to the schoolyard. Why couldn't I let this go? I didn't even know Mary that well, but her words had touched something deeper, a little voice inside me said I wasn't doing enough. I wasn't working. I wasn't participating in society. That's how it felt. I thought about how often I had inadvertently said something that was taken the wrong way. Maybe we all do that sometimes, without noticing. Yet this felt different, personal, directed at me. As if she had briefly put me in a box where I didn't belong. Or did I?

It was the end of the school day

I walked up to Mary. Not angry, but determined. I couldn't just let this slide. "Mary, may I say something?" I asked calmly. She looked up, surprised.
"I just heard something, and I'd rather you tell it to me than talk about me." She immediately blushed, muttered something about "wrong time" and "not meant like that". But the tone was set. My heart was pounding in my throat as I said it. It was so thrilling, but I just went for it! She probably thought I was a direct bitch. But I didn't care. I wanted to set a new standard.

The silence that followed was long and awkward

I didn't know if I was being brave or foolish, but I just couldn't pretend anymore that it didn't affect me. Some parents looked away, others lingered with their gaze. I was tired of always being nice, even when someone hurt me. Maybe this was the first time I truly stood up for myself. For now, no one in this group will say anything about me... Haha.

Why mothers sometimes judge each other so harshly

I thought about it for a long time. Why do we do this? Why do mothers constantly measure each other up on trivial things, like treats, clothing, home, or vacation? Maybe because we're all looking for validation? Even as parents. We want to do well, and by judging another, we feel a bit more certain for a moment. But that's a false sense of security. In reality, we all lose out. I was part of it too. Sometimes I thought something about another mother, just silently, and then I felt guilty afterward. It's almost a reflex: we compare, we judge, we measure. Maybe it's because we all carry a piece of insecurity, about parenting, about balance, about who we really are as a mother. Social media doesn't help either; everyone seems perfect, and you just struggle on. But we (mothers among ourselves) grant each other too little. Why can't we stand alongside each other? Support instead of attacking or diminishing?

Mary and I still talk to each other

It has become a bit cooler, but not at all hostile. Fortunately. I've learned that you don't have to oppose everything, but you also don't have to accept everything.
Setting boundaries is also a form of education, for yourself, your children, and parents. The first few times after that, I felt uncomfortable in the square. Would she say something again? Would others have heard it? But the world just kept on turning. With me in it. I now also pay attention to what I say to other mothers. One sentence can do more damage than you think.

Fact Sheet: Social Pressure Among Parents

• 62% of mothers experience social pressure regarding parenting or school-related matters.
• 47% of parents sometimes feel judged by other parents.
• 1 in 4 parents avoids open conversations in the schoolyard for fear of being judged.

I have changed a little...

When I see a mother doing something 'different' now, I think: maybe she has her reasons? Or maybe I can learn something from this? And that helps. We don't all have to be the same mother to be good enough. I want my children to see later that kindness is better than judgment. That's my new parenting rule. In a way, I'm even grateful to Mary. Because it was only then that I realized that we should all be more generous to each other, even in that noisy schoolyard, among the coats, bags, and coffee to go's.

LILY