Marley: “The leader called: “Your son has smeared poop on the wall”
I was at work when suddenly I saw a call from the daycare. “Hello, Marley speaking?” “This is Simone from the daycare. Something happened with Sam…” Oh no... those words are never a good sign. For a moment I thought he had fallen, a tooth through his lip, or something with another child. But what I heard next, I could never have imagined. “Sam has... smeared poop on the walls.” Excuse me? I seriously thought she was joking. I also really didn't know what to say. There was silence on my end of the line as I tried to let her words sink in. “What do you mean?” I finally asked. “Well… literally what I said,” she said cautiously. “He had a full diaper, was apparently impatient and… um… started playing with it. And painting. On the wall.”
“Not my child, right?”
I know that Sam is an enterprising child. He is two. He climbs on everything that's not nailed down, puts buttons up his nose, pulls on electrical sockets despite all warnings, and once poured his cup of milk into the keyboard of my laptop. But smearing poop on a wall? That's another level. "Wasn't there a supervisor nearby?" I asked with a hint of panic in my voice. "Yes, but we were busy with another child who had an accident. It was really just a minute or two..." I could hardly imagine how something like that could happen so quickly. Until I picked up Sam later, saw his mischievous eyes, and he nonchalantly said: "Mommy... wall dirty."
Pure shame
I'm not a mother who easily feels embarrassed. Kids will be kids. They scream, they throw food, they have tantrums in the supermarket; been there, done that. But this... I also didn't quite know what to say to the caregivers. I wanted to apologize, but also explain. That Sam really isn't the kind of child who smears poop everywhere. That this isn't something he does at home. But I didn't say any of that. I stammered something, laughed awkwardly, and quickly gave him his coat. 'Not too smart, was it, Sam?' I asked as I turned onto the street. 'Nooo,' he said. 'Why did you do that?' 'Diaper yucky.'
I texted my husband Stefan, he could laugh about it. Of course.. 'Our son is an artist!' he joked. 'Who knows, it might end up in the Stedelijk Museum.' I couldn't laugh about it at all at that moment. But secretly his light-heartedness did help me. Because I was really losing myself in the shame. And actually... there was no need for that.
Sam is not the only one
That evening I was sitting on the couch with a cup of tea and googled: child smears poop on wall. To my surprise, I found a whole list of forums, blogs, and even articles by child psychologists. Apparently, it's not that rare at all. Some toddlers do it out of curiosity, others out of boredom or as a signal. Sam probably did it out of frustration and impatience. He was wet, his diaper was full, and he just wanted action. And if it didn't come... then he took matters into his own hands. It reassured me somewhat. So, I wasn't the only mother with a child who considers his excrement as paint.
The next day
The next day I had to go back to work and Sam had to go back to daycare. I walked in with a heavy heart. The caregiver smiled kindly. "Don't worry," she said right away. "We've seen it before. And honestly? Sam is a delightful child. Always cheerful, always up for an adventure. Sometimes those are just... messy adventures." What a relief I felt. "We really think he's great, you know. Just... today we've scheduled an extra diaper check moment." She winked.
After a few days, I could even laugh about it. I eventually even told my mother. She burst out laughing. “Do you remember when you pooped on the rug thinking it was a toilet?” She had saved it for when she might need it. And that moment was now.
MARLEY
