Susan: “The general practitioner asked: 'Could you be pregnant?', 'No, that time is behind us!' An hour later our lives were completely turned upside down”

I was so convinced: we were complete. Two boys, Twan aged six and Sven aged three. Busy, but cozy. Chaotic, but full of love. My husband and I often talked about how nice it was like this. Two kids, a bit out of diapers, Twan even already in school… It felt right. Finished. Done. And to top it off: the appointment for the vasectomy was already set. The following month it would happen. No half measures anymore, no more surprises. Or so we thought.

A cycle of 70 days? Well, that's almost standard for me

I have PCOS. My cycle is anything but normal. A 70-day cycle? Well, that's almost standard for me. So I never really panic when I don't get my period for a long time. My body does its own thing, always has. But still... over the past few weeks, I've been feeling strange. Not I'm pregnant-strange, but… different. I couldn't put my finger on it.

I was slumped on the couch like a wet dishcloth, what was going on?

Then I became ill. Not just a little cold or a slight fever, but really sick. Everything came out. Nothing stayed in. Water, crackers, soup: everything came back up within fifteen minutes. After three days, I gave up. My husband called the doctor's office. “She can't keep anything down, she's weak, she has a fever,” I heard him say. I was draped over the couch like a wet dishrag.

“Is there a chance you could be pregnant?”

In the small room of the doctor's office, the physician looked at me inquisitively. He asked some standard questions and then it came. 'Is there a chance you could be pregnant?' I laughed. Out loud. 'No way. We've been through that phase. It's a closed chapter.' He kept looking at me. 'Still, I want to test your hCG just to be sure. You rule it out, but with an irregular cycle, we can't be certain.' 'Sure,' I said, slightly irritated. 'Go ahead.'

Fortunately, I was already lying down, otherwise I would have really fallen over

An hour later he stood before me again. With a look as if he had just seen a colored elephant. “Madam... you are pregnant.” Luckily, I was already lying down, otherwise I would have really collapsed. My husband sat next to me, petrified. He stared at me as if I would suddenly fall apart. I couldn't say anything. Just look. The doctor continued: “We would like to do an ultrasound, because given your story and the fact that you do not know when your last period was, we want to know how far along you are.”

Having trouble conceiving naturally?

The next moment I was in another room, with an ultrasound machine next to me. The nurse applied gel on my stomach and I felt panic rising. Pregnant? How so? We had indeed stopped using contraception, but given my PCOS, we thought... well, it's not going to happen anymore. After all, I got pregnant in the previous pregnancies using Clomid medication, without it I didn't ovulate.

My husband exclaimed, “But that's already more than half?!”

But then... there appeared a complete baby on the screen. Not a peanut or a pulsating spot. No, arms, legs, a spine, everything complete. I had to swallow. "How far along am I?" I asked with a voice barely audible. "Twenty weeks and three days," she said calmly. "TWENTY WEEKS?!" I almost screamed. My husband covered his face with his hands. "But that's already... more than half?" The midwife nodded. "We will report this immediately to your own midwife and I advise you to schedule a 20-week ultrasound as soon as possible." Since I couldn't keep anything down recently, I was given an IV to get stronger.

We were complete and had finished this chapter, right?

At the end of the day, we went home. In a kind of haze. My stomach suddenly felt different, as if I truly noticed it for the first time that day. We had nothing at home. No clothes, no crib, no playpen. Everything had been given away when Sven was potty trained. Everything. Because we were done. Finished. Complete.

Twenty weeks pregnant and I didn't know. How is that possible?

We drove in silence. My husband stared straight ahead. I sat with my hand on my belly. Twenty weeks and I didn't know. How is that possible? I tried to think back. Had I been tired? Yes. But I have three young children, of course I'm tired. Nauseous? No. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

How were we supposed to explain this?

When we got home, we sat at the table. The boys were playing with their cars. The sound of their little voices suddenly felt so intense. How were we supposed to explain this? To Twan, who had just started grade 3 and was beginning to understand everything. To Sven, who thought he was the youngest. And then Tobias... or well, Baby X. The child in my womb. I didn't know what to feel.

Another baby is on the way

My husband stood up. “I need to go upstairs for a moment.” And he was gone. I remained seated. Drank a glass of water. Trembled. Looked at my belly. Looked at the chaos in the living room. Looked at the scattered toy cars, at the sticky cups on the table, at the stains on the couch. A baby. There's simply another baby coming.

“But you said we weren't having another baby”

That night I couldn't sleep. My mind was racing in all directions. Do I have to give birth again? Breastfeed again? Sleepless nights again? But also: we've done it twice before. We can do this. Right? The next morning we were sitting at breakfast. Twan noticed immediately. “Mom, why are you looking so strange?” I swallowed. “We have something to tell you.” My husband took over. “There’s a baby in mommy’s belly.” Twan furrowed his brows. “Huh? But you said we weren't having any more babies.” Twan had been asking this question almost weekly, so we had made it clear to him before that this wasn't going to happen anymore. Sven started to laugh. “Baby in belly?”

“Why not a girl?” he asked indignantly

In the weeks that followed, it was a rollercoaster. The ultrasound showed that everything was fine. A boy. Number three. We named him Tobias later on. Twan thought it was dumb. “Why not a girl?” he asked indignantly. Sven didn't care at all, he was already busy “selling” his toys to the baby. “He can have this one. But not this one.”

For weeks, my head was lagging behind my body

The reactions from family and friends? Bizarre. Laughing, astonished, shocked, some people just didn't believe us. “What? Twenty weeks?! How is that possible?!” Well. PCOS. No symptoms. Busy life. No time to stop and think. And then suddenly: BAM. Pregnant. More than halfway there. I had to let it sink in. Really. My mind was lagging behind my body for weeks. Are we ready for it? No. But we weren't ready for the first one either. And yet... it will be alright.

SUSAN