People stare at me because my little boy still uses a pacifier
I remember it so well
I was standing in the schoolyard with other parents, at the back, on the kindergarten playground. It was Friday, the last day of school. I was picking up my little boy Senn. He was in group 2. The bell rang and Senn ran into my arms. He reached for my coat pocket, took out his pacifier and happily put the blue pacifier in his mouth. I hugged Senn and I felt parents looking at us. Some parents of children from Senn's class nudged each other and talked about the pacifier. I saw it. Heads turned. I felt the judgmental stares of other parents as Senn took out his pacifier in public. There was whispering and quick glances away. It hurt, but at the same time, I knew there was a reason why Senn clung to it. He was still so young, and it was his way of understanding and processing the world around him. Yet, I felt like a bad mother. I was ashamed. At home, the tears came.
I decided to bring up the subject with Senn
“Sweetheart, you're actually too old for the pacifier,” I began. “You can give your pacifier to other little kids who are small.” Senn didn't want to hear it. He shook his head. It didn't feel right to just take it away from him. Apparently, Senn still needed that comfort and security. It offered him solace, especially during those moments of tiredness or stress. I only wanted to get rid of the pacifier when he was ready. Together. I thought about the consequences of a pacifier. Senn had straight teeth and his pronunciation was excellent. He was a lively, curious little boy and was developing just fine. The only reason I wanted to get rid of the pacifier was to please others and to stop the gossip. “I choose for my child. He has his own pace,” I told myself. “That's what matters. Not what other parents think or say.” We would keep the pacifier as long as it was necessary.
Yet every day I went to the schoolyard with a heavy heart
The following week, the teacher walked with Senn. She wanted to have a quick chat while Senn was playing in the yard. I could sense trouble brewing... “Isn't it time to take away his pacifier? He's already five.” We sat together at a small table on little chairs. I felt shame rising, but instead of defending my choice, I smiled and said: “Senn has his own pace. We'll get there when the time is right. By the time he's 18, he'll definitely not need a pacifier anymore.” And with that, the conversation was over. She smiled and showed me out.
Sometimes the pacifier can be taken away during the day and every night for good sleep
I don't want to take that away from him. I see the pacifier no differently than a thumb. And sucking thumbs is considered normal by everyone, sometimes even up to grade 8. I find that I have to defend myself every time. I so wish that parents would respect each other's values. And judge less. We all want the best for our children. Me too.
